Attainment (The Temptation Series) Read Free

you are defeated, then you only
have yourself to blame.
    ***
    “Bryce, I know this is hard for you. But you have to talk
about your feelings of guilt if you ever want to get past them.”
    I look up from my seated position. Jessica—my psychologist
and family friend—is sitting across from me with her notepad rested on her lap.
She has her reading glasses perched on the tip of her nose and a troubled
expression on her face. It’s quite obvious to me that her concern is due to the
fact that I am not openly discussing what happened with Gareth like she wishes
that I would.
    We are both sitting in her office which is situated on Burke
Street in the CBD of Melbourne. It’s a quaint office, furnished with soft
colours, unobtrusive ornaments and feel-good art work, purposefully placed to
make her patients feel comfortable, relaxed and, unbeknown to them, unguarded.
I have been here many times before and am aware of my deceptive surroundings—they
don’t fool me.
    “What if I don’t want to get past my guilt? What if I don’t
deserve to?” I respond with determination.
    “Guilt is felt by not only the guilty, but more so by those
who feel they deserve it when in fact, they don’t. Guilt can be a humble yet
deceitful emotion.”
    “Jessica,” I sigh, deflated and tired as a result of this
session’s conflict. “I know you are trying to help. I know you are trying to
make me see that Gareth’s death was not my fault. The truth of the matter is...it
was. I abandoned him when he really needed me and, on top of that, I nearly
lost Alexis in the process. I deserve this guilt. Please, just let me bear it.”
    She places her notepad on the seat next to her and removes
her glasses. “Gareth’s death was not your fault. If it were then it would be
equally mine. Actions have consequences, consequences have results, and
sometimes those results are devastating, as in Gareth’s case.”
    Leaning back in my chair, I close my eyes and run my hands
through my hair, the pain and memory of my mentally ill cousin’s demise still
too brutally raw.
    “Bryce, look at me,” Jessica says with a soft but
authoritative voice.
    I open my eyes and find her gaze.
    “I’m going to ask you to think about something and then I
want to discuss it next week.”
    “Sure,” I respond flippantly with a tinge of arrogance. My
intention is not to be an arsehole, after all, she only means well. It’s just,
I’m exhausted and want to get home to Alexis and find solace in her warm
embrace. Alexis keeps me grounded, she always has and I hope she always will.
    “What you’re experiencing is known as ‘unhealthy’ or
‘inappropriate’ guilt. I want you to look at the situation from a different
point of view, put someone else in your shoes. Take Lucy for instance. What if
it were her? Would you find her just as responsible for Gareth’s death? After
all, she too was his cousin. She knew what you knew. She had just as much
influence as you—“
    “Jessica,” I snap. “Leave Lucy out of this. It—“
    “Bryce!” she interrupts just as abruptly as I had. “Just
think about what I’m saying and we’ll talk about it next week.”
    I stand up, not happy with her request to ‘pretend’ to put
Lucy in my place. Gareth’s death had nothing to do with my sister. “Fine, I
will see you next week. When is Alexis due to come in next?”
    “Alexis and I have arranged monthly visits now. She tends to
listen to my advice and not be so sceptical of what you may feel
are unorthodox suggestions.”
    My eye involuntarily twitches and I clench then release my
hand. Bloody hell, she is on a tirade today. “I’m glad to hear my fiancé
is dealing with the situation and finding a way to put it behind her. The last
thing she needs is to feel any stress in her current state, so thank you.”
    Jessica stands and makes her way toward her desk. “Well, she
is not the only one.”
    “Good bye, Jessica,” I respond just as contemptuously.  “I
will see