imagined the taste of a pint. ‘You’re on.’ He hesitated. ‘In a bit. I need to get to York first and see my solicitor. I was planning on catching a bus. I’ve got a travel warrant.’
‘You’re out of your tree! You don’t want to spend your first hours of freedom sitting in some lawyer’s office. Me, I never want to see another one again as long as I live. Look, there’s the Prince Albert. Shall we—’ ‘After I’ve paid a visit to my solicitor,’ Joseph insisted. ‘He’s expecting me.’
‘Is this about the kids?’
‘Of course it’s about the kids.’
‘Mate, is this a good idea? You’re on licence, right? I bet you’ve got a condition on there about not contacting your family.’
‘True.’ Joseph had a copy of his licence conditions in his pocket. ‘I‘m not supposed to go anywhere near their house—which is in York, admittedly. But nobody said I couldn’t visit my solicitor.’
‘Let’s get some decent food and a pint down you. You need to think this through.’
‘You can feed me caviar and champagne if you like. Bathe me in ass’s milk, I won’t change my mind.’
‘You’ve waited all this time, Scottie. Another couple of days won’t hurt.’
Joseph’s jaw tensed dangerously. ‘I’ve been counting down the hours until I can walk into that solicitor’s office. It’s all that’s kept me going. Come on, Akash, you know what it’s like in there—nothing to do but think. If you don’t want to nip across to York, fine—I’ll catch a bus.’
Akash capitulated. ‘Okay. York, here we come. Where are you staying tonight?’
‘I told the probation guy I was planning to look up my sister in Gateshead,’ said Joseph unenthusiastically. ‘He wants to know my new address by Friday.’
‘Have you phoned her?’
‘No. She’d dance on my grave, given half a chance.’
‘Any other family?’
‘Just my old man. Last I heard he was living it up on the Costa Blanca.’
‘I’ve got a sofa. You’re welcome to it for as long as you need.’
‘Thanks,’ muttered Joseph. ‘That would be . . . Thanks.’ He stared down at his hands, and after a moment Akash turned on the radio. A boy band was playing.
They’d reached the outskirts of York before Joseph spoke again. ‘Sorry. Sorry. Thanks for picking me up. I’ve got a discharge payment of sod-all, so we’ll blow it on a pint.’ He pulled some notes from his pocket. ‘So, is this your car?’
‘Yeah . . . well, technically it’s Dad’s. He set me up in a business. You’re looking at the managing director of Squeaky Clean Offices and Domestic. The good news is, I’ve got a load of women to boss about. The bad news is I work half the night.’ The young man forced his way into the overtaking lane between two cars, gesticulating when one of them flashed its lights.
The wind had dropped by the time they arrived in York. So had the temperature. ‘I’ll wait for you in the pub over there.’ Akash blew out his cheeks, rubbing his hands together. ‘Fuck, it’s brass monkeys.’
Joseph looked around, getting his bearings, still disoriented. The air seemed oddly opaque.
‘I think it’s going to snow,’ he said.
Three
Hannah
I don’t know where to begin. Not with him, that’s for sure. How can he be the beginning, when he destroyed everything that gave my life meaning?
She was our only child, you see. There was no understudy. Joseph Scott brought down the curtain forever. She was extraordinary from the moment she was born—a delicate creature with the brightest eyes the midwife had ever seen. I was twenty-six years old, and euphoric. My baby was a crumpled thing of wonder, an alien creature from outer space, the most precious object in the universe. Things that seemed vital a week before had become irrelevant. The skiing holiday? Ridiculous—of course we couldn’t go, not until Zoe was old enough to join us. My battle for promotion to departmental head? Who cared? My alcoholic sister Eliza wanted