The Sisters Club Read Free

be the microphone. Whoever wants to talk has to use the shampoo bottle.
    Stevie: Says who?
    Me: Says me. Why? Because I’m the oldest. That makes me the director! (To audience.) Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Alex’s room, where two sisters who do not live in this room (but think they do) are always hanging about.
    Joey: You called us in here! For an SCM!
    Stevie: Yeah, you got me out of the shower for this? You said it was for the Sisters Club.
    Me: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Alex the Actress, star of the Reel Family. That’s Reel, as in film or fishing. Not R-E-A-L, as in un real. I am, for real, the FOBS: First, Oldest, and Best (Reel) Sister! (Stevie throws a pillow at me; Joey throws a slipper.) Please refrain from throwing rotten fruit and other objects such as pillows and slippers at the actors.
    Stevie: (Takes shampoo bottle.) I have a question. How come you always get to go first when we have the Sisters Club?
    Me: First is best!
    Stevie: You’re conceited.
    Me: Confident. (Taking shampoo bottle back.) Tonight’s drama is a mystery. I have called you here to help me solve the Mystery of the Missing Glitter Nail Polish. As the drama unfolds, we will round up the usual suspects and discover WHO is the culprit. Who stole the glitter nail polish from big sister Alex’s room?
    Joey: (Pointing to Stevie.) She did.
    Stevie: (Pointing to Joey.) She did.
    Me: I see we have a stalemate. Let’s call in Sherlock Holmes. (Putting on houndstooth cap with earflaps, holding out crayon for pipe, and propping Sock Monkey up on chair.)
    Me: (To Sock Monkey.) My dear Watson, we must ask the suspects to hold out their hands. (Joey holds out her hands; Stevie sits on hers.) What’s this I see, old chap?
    Sock Monkey: I do believe we have caught BOTH suspects! (Takes up Joey’s hand.)
    Me: Here I see minute traces of a highly reflective decorative material. Suspect Number Two has proven her guilt by concealing her hands altogether. Yes, Watson, I do believe the mystery is solved — in record time, at that.
    Sock Monkey: What’s the punishment?
    Me: The punishment, you say? The two shall hereby be banned from this room forever unless given permission in writing to enter.
    Joey: How can we have the Sisters Club if we can’t even come in your room?
    Stevie: It was for science! I was helping Joey with constellations.
    Me: And is it not written in the stars that you shall never enter this room when I am not here? I’m serious, you guys — stay out! (Stevie rolls her eyes. Joey jumps up and grabs the shampoo bottle.)
    Joey: How come you’re like this now? You hardly ever play with us anymore. We never get to have fun.
    Me: Hello! I’m twelve and three-quarters. I’m almost a teenager, not a baby.
    Joey: Well, how come you won’t let us touch your stuff now? Not just nail polish. Even your old Barbies you don’t play with anymore.
    Me: Reality check! They’re M-I-N-E. Just like this nail polish. (Holding up Joey’s hand.) The evidence, Watson. The evidence. I rest my case.

 
    One Thursday, Mom put on The Hat at dinner.
    “Da-da-da-da!” my dad crowed, like he was a human trumpet.
    I guess I better tell you about The Hat. We’re talking really embarrassing. See, there’s this jester hat my dad wore when he played King Lear for real. It looks kind of like a droopy crown with bells on the ends. When somebody has something important to say in our family, they have to put on The Hat and announce it like they’re the town crier or something.
    Me, I’m more of a sticky-note-on-the-fridge kind of person.
    “I have some news,” Mom began.
    “Good news or bad news?” asked Alex. Joey sat up straighter.
    “Good news! I’m going back to work. A real acting job. No more bit parts at the Raven. This is my big break. Are you ready for this?”
    Mom whipped out a dopey-looking striped apron that said FONDUE SUE in big fat letters with rolling pins flying around in the background.
    “Your name’s not