The Secrets Between Us Read Free Page A

of sharded grey, volcanic rock with little silver and lavender-coloured plants creeping and growing in its crevices to a private bathing area. A wooden platform stuck out over the green-blue sea that lapped against the rockface. The sea was teeming with busy little fish. I liked to sit on the edge of the platform, with my legs hanging downover the cool water, watching the way the sunlight dazzled the waves, its patterns fragmenting and dancing. I liked the smell of the sea and the feel of the lively air immediately above it. May lay on a towel on the platform, reading her book. I stared at the facing coastline across the bay. Sometimes it was very clear, I could make out trees and buildings; at other times the heat haze over the water obscured it from view.
    It was so peaceful, and I didn’t have to talk to anyone or explain anything or even think too much about my situation.
    May’s husband, Neil, was a journalist with the Manchester-based news and features agency NWM. He had been sent to Sicily to work on the shoot of a drama that was being filmed there. Neil’s role was to interview the stars, the producer and director and write background features to distribute to the media, generating publicity in advance of the film’s release. It was easy for me to be in Sicily with him and May. I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I certainly didn’t want to go home.
    Home was the house I shared with Laurie. Home would mean endless talking, negotiations and explanations and, in Laurie’s terminology, turning the spotlight on the issues that were affecting our relationship. He, I knew, would be suffering from a combination of guilt and frustration that would manifest itself in a stream of tiny accusations towards me, pinpricks of anger disguised as expressions of concern. Because, what he would be thinking was that, if I had let him look after me, if I’d shared my feelings with him after the baby, none of this would have happened.
    In all the time I was with Laurie, which was all my adult life, I had been regarded more as his girlfriend than as an individual in my own right. We were Laurie-and-Sarah. He didn’t mean to be demanding or controlling, but there was more of him than there was of me. He was older, cleverer, more knowledgeable and gregarious; I was quieter,shyer, less educated, and I was happy to swim in his wake. I couldn’t remember how I was supposed to look, or be, or even what my voice sounded like when I was on my own, without him. Laurie had always looked after me and looked out for me, but something changed after our son was stillborn. I hadn’t wanted to analyse my feelings as he did; I’d just wanted to be left alone. And he, feeling abandoned, had turned to Rosita.
    I was too tired to deal with Laurie. Sicily felt safe. It felt distant. It felt like a bubble, and I would have been happy to stay there for ever.

CHAPTER FIVE
    THEN SUDDENLY EVERYTHING changed. The lead in the film Neil was working on collapsed on set and was hospitalized. The official line was that he had suffered heat stroke but Neil suspected it was more serious than that. The actor was flown back to America, the film was put on hold and Neil was free to go back to Manchester.
    That meant May and I would have to leave, too. We only had a few days left, and Sicily became even more precious to me. I could not bear the thought of leaving.
    On one of our last evenings we decided, for a change, to eat at the hotel. May and I went down together. The terrace was illuminated by fairy lights and candles in the necks of empty wine bottles centred on the tables. Large, pale moths danced in the areas of light and then disappeared. The swimming pool glowed an artificial blue in the black garden and far away across the bay the lights of isolated villas and farms twinkled like stars. I stood for a moment and gazed out. Moonlight trickled on the sea and a small boat bobbed along the coastline, dropping nets by lamplight.
    Neil was waiting for us at our