Burton was at his lowest ebb, Grindlays burned to the ground, taking with it all the documents, costumes, artefacts, and mementoes Burton had stored there after returning from his many years of travel and exploration, depriving him of every material thing heâd ever valued. At this juncture of his life, heâd married Isabel Arundell, the only remaining constant.
He saw her now, a blazing bonfire illuminating her face, reflecting in the tears on her cheeks, making them look like rivulets of blood.
Snapping out of his trance, he walked toward her. It was a winter evening. He was back in his garden in Trieste.
âWhat a ghastly time Iâve had of it!â he exclaimed as he approached. âIâm sorry to have caused such a fuss. By God, I thought I was done for. Was it another heart attack? I feel perfectly healthy now. Even my rheumatism has let up.â
She didnât respond.
âI dreamed I was back in Berbera with John Speke. A nightmare. It was extraordinarily vivid. Isabel?â
Sparks and glowing scraps of paper spiralled up through the smoke. The bonfire crackled and snapped. He watched as she reached into a carpetbag at her side, pulled a handful of letters from it, and threw them into the conflagration.
âWhat are you doing?â
Still no answer.
âIsabel?â
Something felt wrong.
She took a thick sheaf of paper from the bag.
His translation of The Scented Garden .
âWait!â he cried out. âNo! Donât do that!â
Lady Isabel Burton consigned her husbandâs magnum opus to the flames.
Burton shrieked as he felt itâand himselfâconsumed.
It was Grindlays all over again, reducing him to nothing.
White. White. White.
Zero.
Hands took form, easing out of the featureless glare, shapes congealing around them. He didnât immediately recognise them as his own, for rather than being gnarled, liver-spotted, and transparent, they were tough and healthy and young.
A note was pushed into one of them. Raising his eyes, he saw Arthur Findlay of the Royal Geographical Society, an expression of utmost sympathy upon his face. Burton read the note, already aware of the news it bore, and reacted to it without any volition of his own.
âBy God! Heâs killed himself!â
John Hanning Spekeâwho, two years after the Berbera incident, had accompanied him into central Africa in search of the source of the Nile and who subsequently claimed to have discovered it without Burtonâs helpâwas dead.
The Bath Assembly Rooms. 1864. This is where I was supposed to confront Speke and condemn him, humiliate him. Where Iâd make him pay the price for his disloyalty. Instead, just prior to the conference, he shot himself while out hunting. An accident, perhaps. Or suicide.
Burton put the note onto the table and rose from his chair.
This is the day I was forever broken.
He heard himself say all the things heâd said on that occasion: to Findlay; to Sir Roderick Murchison, president of the RGS; and to the other members of the committee. Then he stumbled out of the room and into Isabelâs waiting arms.
She was young again. Beautiful.
Contorting emotions that made no sense at all mauled at him. How could he love and, at the same time, fear her?
âWhat ails you so, Dick?â
Donât be concerned. Itâs just a gouty pain in my left foot. The usual thing. When did I have my last attack?
He said, âJohn has shot himself.â
She fussed but he couldnât bear to be near her. Burton needed to flee; he required space in which to think. He tore himself away, spoke to Sir Roderick, told him heâd address the waiting audience, and watched from within himself as the familiar events unfolded, as the same sentences were uttered and the turning point of his life was played out once again.
Is this my reckoning? Am I being judged?
The outer Burton escaped to a quiet room and there wept for Speke. The inner Burton