The Reason I Jump Read Free Page A

because I didn’t understand – in fact, even as I’m asking, I know I do understand.
    The reason why? Because I very quickly forget what it is I’ve just heard. Inside my head there really isn’t such a big difference between what I was told just now, and what I heard a long, long time ago.
    So I do understand things, but my way of remembering them works differently from everyone else’s. I imagine a normal person’s memory is arranged continuously, like a line. My memory, however, is more like a pool of dots. I’m always ‘picking up’ these dots – by asking my questions – so I can arrive back at the memory that the dots represent.
    But there’s another reason for our repeated questioning: it lets us play with words. We aren’t good at conversation, and however hard we try, we’ll never speak as effortlessly as you do. The big exception, however, is words or phrases we’re very familiar with. Repeating these is great fun. It’s like a game of catch with a ball. Unlike the words we’re ordered to say, repeating questions we already know the answers to can be a pleasure – it’s playing with sound and rhythm.

Q4 W HY DO YOU ECHO QUESTIONS BACK AT THE ASKER ?
    For a long time, I’ve noticed that people with autism often repeat questions, like parrots. Instead of answering the question, we just say the exact same question straight back at the person asking it. Once, I thought we did it simply because we didn’t know how to answer, but now I think there’s more to the mystery than this.
    Firing the question back is a way of sifting through our memories to pick up clues about what the questioner is asking. We understand the question okay, but we can’t answer it until we fish out the right ‘memory picture’ in our heads.
    It’s quite a complicated process, this. First, I scan my memory to find an experience closest to what’s happening now. When I’ve found a good close match, my next step is to try to recall what I said at that time. If I’m lucky, I hit upon a useable experience and all is well. If I’m not lucky, I get clobbered by the same sinking feeling I had originally, and I’m unable to answer the question I’m being asked. No matter how hard I try to stop it, that weird voice slips out, making me more flustered and discouraged, and so it gets harder and harder to say anything.
    In ‘set-pattern’ conversations, we manage much better: although, of course, when it comes to talking about your feelings, these patterns are no use at all. In fact, by relying on them too much you can end up saying the opposite of what you wanted to say. I swear conversation is such hard work! To make myself understood, it’s like I have to speak in an unknown foreign language, every minute of every day.

Q5 W HY DO YOU DO THINGS YOU SHOULDN ’ T EVEN WHEN YOU ’ VE BEEN TOLD A MILLION TIMES NOT TO ?
    ‘How many times do I have to tell you?!’
    Us people with autism hear that all the time. Me, I’m always being told off for doing the same old things. It may look as if we’re being bad out of naughtiness, but honestly, we’re not. When we’re being told off, we feel terrible that yet again we’ve done what we’ve been told not to. But when the chance comes once more, we’ve pretty much forgotten about the last time and we just get carried away yet again. It’s as if something that isn’t us is urging us on.
    You must be thinking: ‘Is he never going to learn?’ We know we’re making you sad and upset, but it’s as if we don’t have any say in it, I’m afraid, and that’s the way it is. But please, whatever you do, don’t give up on us. We need your help.

Q6 D O YOU FIND CHILDISH LANGUAGE EASIER TO UNDERSTAND ?
    Children with autism are also growing and developing every single day, yet we are forever being treated like babies. I guess this is because we seem to act younger than our true age, but whenever anyone treats me as if I’m still a toddler, it really hacks me off. I don’t