she was possessed And only that
a) she can't drive,
b) Dad had taken the car and
c) she wouldn't be seen dead in my car because it's too 'showy'
I'm certain she'd have done it.
When she realized she couldn't go anywhere, she began pulling at her clothes - 'renting' them, perhaps? I kept trying to grab her hands and stop her, but she was much, much too strong for me. By then I was very scared. She was way out of control and I hadn't a clue what to do. Who could I ring? Ironically enough my first thought was of Dad, especially as it was his fault. In the end I rang Cody. Naturally I didn't expect any sympathy, but I hoped for some practical advice. He answered in non-work mode, i e as camp as a row of cerise tents with marabou feather trimming. 'A shock? Do tell.'
'My dad's left her. What should I do?'
'Oh dear. Is that her I hear?'
'What? The shrieking? Yes.'
'Is she ? Is that the sound of Aynsley shepherdesses breaking?'
I took a quick look 'Belleek creamers. Close enough. What should I do?'
'Hide the good china' When it became clear that I wouldn't play ball, he said - kindly for him, 'Call the medics, dear.'
Round here it's harder to get a doctor to make a house call than it is to eat only one cashew nut. (Absolutely impossible, as we both well know) I rang and got Mrs Foy, Dr Bailey's foul-tempered receptionist - did I ever tell you about her? She's worked for him since before the flood and always acts like a request for an appointment is a gross imposition on his time. But I managed to convince the old sourball that this was an emergency, the sounds of Mam in hysterics in the background may have helped, of course.
So half an hour later Dr Bailey shows up in his golf clothes and - get this - gives Mam a shot I thought it was only people who lived in bodice ripper-land who got given shots by doctors when they became a bit overwrought. Whatever they put in them must be good gear because before our eyes Mam stopped gasping and sagged feebly onto her bed.
'Any more of them?' I asked and the doc goes, 'Ahaha! So what happened?'
'My father has left us for his secretary.'
I expected the good doctor to act shocked, but you know what? Something like guilt skipped across his face and I'm not joking, I could have sworn the word 'Viagra' crackled in the air, like a blue lightning flash. Dad's been to see him recently, I'd put money on it.
He couldn't get away fast enough 'Put her to bed,' he sez. 'Don't leave her on her own If she wakes up.' He shook two pills onto his hand and handed them over 'Give her the two Emergency only.' Then he scribbled a prescription for tranks and hot-footed it back to the thirteenth hole. His spiky shoes left little clumps of grass on the hall carpet.
I helped Mam into bed - she hadn't got dressed, so there was no undressing to be done - pulled the curtains then lay beside her, on top of the eiderdown I was in my Nicole Farhi suit and even though I hadn't got it in the sale and even though I knew I was going to get feathers all over it, I didn't care That's how freaked out I was.
It was all way too weird. You know what it's like round here, no one leaves their wives. People get married and stay married for a hundred and seventy years. Even if they hate each other. Not that Mam and Dad ever seemed to hate each other, not at all. They were...just you... know married.
I paused and deleted that last paragraph. Susan's mother had died when Susan was two and her dad got married again when Susan was twenty. The marriage had broken up about three years ago and even though Carol wasn't her mother and Susan hadn't been living at home when it all started to go wrong, she was still upset about it.
Anyway, so I'm thrun on the bed in my good suit and then the church bells start ringing the midday Angelus. I was lying in a darkened room with a sedated parent by my side and it wasn't even lunchtime yet. This gave me a bad bout of the fear so I rang work, just to feel I wasn't the only person in the
a) she can't drive,
b) Dad had taken the car and
c) she wouldn't be seen dead in my car because it's too 'showy'
I'm certain she'd have done it.
When she realized she couldn't go anywhere, she began pulling at her clothes - 'renting' them, perhaps? I kept trying to grab her hands and stop her, but she was much, much too strong for me. By then I was very scared. She was way out of control and I hadn't a clue what to do. Who could I ring? Ironically enough my first thought was of Dad, especially as it was his fault. In the end I rang Cody. Naturally I didn't expect any sympathy, but I hoped for some practical advice. He answered in non-work mode, i e as camp as a row of cerise tents with marabou feather trimming. 'A shock? Do tell.'
'My dad's left her. What should I do?'
'Oh dear. Is that her I hear?'
'What? The shrieking? Yes.'
'Is she ? Is that the sound of Aynsley shepherdesses breaking?'
I took a quick look 'Belleek creamers. Close enough. What should I do?'
'Hide the good china' When it became clear that I wouldn't play ball, he said - kindly for him, 'Call the medics, dear.'
Round here it's harder to get a doctor to make a house call than it is to eat only one cashew nut. (Absolutely impossible, as we both well know) I rang and got Mrs Foy, Dr Bailey's foul-tempered receptionist - did I ever tell you about her? She's worked for him since before the flood and always acts like a request for an appointment is a gross imposition on his time. But I managed to convince the old sourball that this was an emergency, the sounds of Mam in hysterics in the background may have helped, of course.
So half an hour later Dr Bailey shows up in his golf clothes and - get this - gives Mam a shot I thought it was only people who lived in bodice ripper-land who got given shots by doctors when they became a bit overwrought. Whatever they put in them must be good gear because before our eyes Mam stopped gasping and sagged feebly onto her bed.
'Any more of them?' I asked and the doc goes, 'Ahaha! So what happened?'
'My father has left us for his secretary.'
I expected the good doctor to act shocked, but you know what? Something like guilt skipped across his face and I'm not joking, I could have sworn the word 'Viagra' crackled in the air, like a blue lightning flash. Dad's been to see him recently, I'd put money on it.
He couldn't get away fast enough 'Put her to bed,' he sez. 'Don't leave her on her own If she wakes up.' He shook two pills onto his hand and handed them over 'Give her the two Emergency only.' Then he scribbled a prescription for tranks and hot-footed it back to the thirteenth hole. His spiky shoes left little clumps of grass on the hall carpet.
I helped Mam into bed - she hadn't got dressed, so there was no undressing to be done - pulled the curtains then lay beside her, on top of the eiderdown I was in my Nicole Farhi suit and even though I hadn't got it in the sale and even though I knew I was going to get feathers all over it, I didn't care That's how freaked out I was.
It was all way too weird. You know what it's like round here, no one leaves their wives. People get married and stay married for a hundred and seventy years. Even if they hate each other. Not that Mam and Dad ever seemed to hate each other, not at all. They were...just you... know married.
I paused and deleted that last paragraph. Susan's mother had died when Susan was two and her dad got married again when Susan was twenty. The marriage had broken up about three years ago and even though Carol wasn't her mother and Susan hadn't been living at home when it all started to go wrong, she was still upset about it.
Anyway, so I'm thrun on the bed in my good suit and then the church bells start ringing the midday Angelus. I was lying in a darkened room with a sedated parent by my side and it wasn't even lunchtime yet. This gave me a bad bout of the fear so I rang work, just to feel I wasn't the only person in the
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