shook her head violently. "No. If I was so stupid to believe William and end up with a child, then I deserve the shame." She closed her eyes. "I cannot believe I thought he would marry me."
"He told you so, with his hand upon his heart. How could you have guessed he lied?"
Helena looked into her sister's blue eyes, the mirror of her own. How could they be so different inside? "You would have known."
"I don't dream the same dreams you do. I don't want a husband, babies, a home to manage." She pressed, "All things you can have with Rand, if you marry him."
"But not love. Not a husband who will cherish me, or who will make me proud." She imagined an evening in society with Rand. Would he dance with her before retiring to the cards — or would he favor some other woman with that honor? His mistress. One of his many mistresses.
"He will give you your freedom, Helena. Once you've given up your dreams of fairytale princes, you will see that you made the best bargain possible. Just think — you will be able to draw and paint. Perhaps spend a year in Italy taking lessons with a master. And Rand will not play the part of disapproving husband. He will applaud you; he will encourage your talents."
"Don't try to wheedle me with your own brand of fairy tale. If I consent to this marriage, I will be much too busy producing and raising his heir to have much freedom to travel to Italy."
Rosaline wrinkled her nose. "That is one reason why I decided America was more attractive than marriage to Rand, freedom or not. But you are not me. You want children."
"I do want children. But I do not want a life of lies. And if the worst happens, I will have to explain an early child — who will no doubt have William's robust health and large size. And I will worry that my husband might speak the truth that would destroy me because he was too drunk to watch his tongue." Or worse, that he would do so cold sober because he could no longer bear to claim her child as his.
"I hope you do not have to. However, if the worst were to happen, Rand will not mind." Her hand tightened on Helena's shoulder and there was a note of iron will in her voice as Ros added, "I will make him swear it. I will not have you or your child hurt. And I will promise you both that he will answer to me if he does not keep his word."
It was not until then that Helena realized Ros was set on this marriage. Not only so that she could go to America. But so that Helena would be protected from her own foolish actions.
There was truly only one question left to answer:
Would marriage to the earl save her — or sentence her to a life of misery?
Chapter Two
Helena shook off her sister's comforting hand.
"Oh, why did I have to be so foolish? Why couldn't I have been like you — dressing the part of a man and content with gambling and drinking? Why did I think it would be romantic to be alone with him? To let him ... "
"I don't know, Hellie. It was a mistake. But you can mend it. Marry Rand. He'll be happy to accept your child, if you are to have one. And if you are not, you'll only have to bear his company while you make a child together. I assure you, he will be eager to let you live your life however you wish."
Helena wanted to cry. The offer was much too tempting, and all because she had not been as sensible as she should have been. "One foolish mistake—"
"Two, actually." Ros snapped her mouth shut, as if she realized that she should not have spoken.
Sometimes Helena wished she did not always confide in her sister. "He said he would speak to Valentine that very day. I did not know what to do."
"A simple and firm 'No' would have served, I am certain."
"I'm afraid you inherited all the will for the pair of us, right from the womb."
"You have enough will, Hellie; you're just afraid to use it. You'd rather not have the consequences that sometimes result, such as having to marry Rand. I don't mind them, if the goal is worthwhile enough."
"Do you truly believe America is a
"He told you so, with his hand upon his heart. How could you have guessed he lied?"
Helena looked into her sister's blue eyes, the mirror of her own. How could they be so different inside? "You would have known."
"I don't dream the same dreams you do. I don't want a husband, babies, a home to manage." She pressed, "All things you can have with Rand, if you marry him."
"But not love. Not a husband who will cherish me, or who will make me proud." She imagined an evening in society with Rand. Would he dance with her before retiring to the cards — or would he favor some other woman with that honor? His mistress. One of his many mistresses.
"He will give you your freedom, Helena. Once you've given up your dreams of fairytale princes, you will see that you made the best bargain possible. Just think — you will be able to draw and paint. Perhaps spend a year in Italy taking lessons with a master. And Rand will not play the part of disapproving husband. He will applaud you; he will encourage your talents."
"Don't try to wheedle me with your own brand of fairy tale. If I consent to this marriage, I will be much too busy producing and raising his heir to have much freedom to travel to Italy."
Rosaline wrinkled her nose. "That is one reason why I decided America was more attractive than marriage to Rand, freedom or not. But you are not me. You want children."
"I do want children. But I do not want a life of lies. And if the worst happens, I will have to explain an early child — who will no doubt have William's robust health and large size. And I will worry that my husband might speak the truth that would destroy me because he was too drunk to watch his tongue." Or worse, that he would do so cold sober because he could no longer bear to claim her child as his.
"I hope you do not have to. However, if the worst were to happen, Rand will not mind." Her hand tightened on Helena's shoulder and there was a note of iron will in her voice as Ros added, "I will make him swear it. I will not have you or your child hurt. And I will promise you both that he will answer to me if he does not keep his word."
It was not until then that Helena realized Ros was set on this marriage. Not only so that she could go to America. But so that Helena would be protected from her own foolish actions.
There was truly only one question left to answer:
Would marriage to the earl save her — or sentence her to a life of misery?
Chapter Two
Helena shook off her sister's comforting hand.
"Oh, why did I have to be so foolish? Why couldn't I have been like you — dressing the part of a man and content with gambling and drinking? Why did I think it would be romantic to be alone with him? To let him ... "
"I don't know, Hellie. It was a mistake. But you can mend it. Marry Rand. He'll be happy to accept your child, if you are to have one. And if you are not, you'll only have to bear his company while you make a child together. I assure you, he will be eager to let you live your life however you wish."
Helena wanted to cry. The offer was much too tempting, and all because she had not been as sensible as she should have been. "One foolish mistake—"
"Two, actually." Ros snapped her mouth shut, as if she realized that she should not have spoken.
Sometimes Helena wished she did not always confide in her sister. "He said he would speak to Valentine that very day. I did not know what to do."
"A simple and firm 'No' would have served, I am certain."
"I'm afraid you inherited all the will for the pair of us, right from the womb."
"You have enough will, Hellie; you're just afraid to use it. You'd rather not have the consequences that sometimes result, such as having to marry Rand. I don't mind them, if the goal is worthwhile enough."
"Do you truly believe America is a
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