The Last Plague

The Last Plague Read Free Page A

Book: The Last Plague Read Free
Author: Rich Hawkins
Tags: Nightmare
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responsibilities…”
         “Apart from Ralph,” said Frank.
         Ralph glowered. “I’ve got responsibilities.”
         “You live with your parents,” said Magnus.
         “It’s cheap. Mum does my laundry. Fuck off.”
         “Like I was saying,” said Joel. “We’ve all got responsibilities and commitments, but we’ve still remained close.”
         “Gay,” said Ralph, shaking his head.
         “Fair point,” said Frank.
         Magnus laughed.
         Joel raised his bottle. “Cheers, lads.”
         “Cheers.”
         They drank.
         Frank looked down the neck of his beer bottle. “Where did the time go?”
         “Not down there,” Magnus said.
         “Tell me about it,” said Ralph. He looked at the floor. “You remember when we used to go out clubbing every weekend? I miss those days. I miss the nights when we would go out and anything was possible.”
         “Great nights,” Frank said.
         “They certainly were,” said Magnus.
         Joel finished his beer. “When you reach a certain age, clubbing loses its appeal. Seems a little desperate somehow. That’s why I wanted to spend the weekend here. I didn’t want to go to a nightclub or a big city. I know it’s a bit crap, but I wanted to be here with my real, oldest friends.”
         “Joel’s going gay again,” muttered Ralph. “He’ll be wearing a gimp suit and stilettos any minute now.”
         “We’re certainly getting old,” Frank said. “I’ve started to wear cardigans at home. I’m growing man-boobs.”
         “How do you think I feel then?” said Ralph, patting his stomach.
         “That’s because you eat too much, not old age,” said Magnus, adjusting his glasses. “Anyway, you think you’re got it bad? My pubes are going grey.”
         “And you’ve got the muscle tone of a crack addict,” said Ralph.
         Joel laughed.
         “That is bad,” said Frank.
         “Better wiry than curvy,” Magnus said.
         Ralph shrugged, downed his beer until it was empty. “Fuck it. Put on the DVD. I want to drink until my eyes fall out.”
            
     
     

 
     
    CHAPTER FOUR
     
     
    Hours passed in a haze of alcoholic fog. They watched Star Wars IV: A New Hope , laughing at Joel’s attempts to critique every iconic scene. He was a big Harrison Ford fan, and Han Solo was his favourite character.
         Ralph kept calling him ‘Hand Solo’ and making a masturbation gesture with one hand.
         Magnus said he preferred the Ewoks. Joel argued with Ralph when Ralph said horror was a superior genre to science fiction. Magnus performed his party trick of balancing a pen on his nose while Ralph poured beer down his throat. He managed to keep it balanced until Ralph swapped the beer for whiskey.
         They played Guitar Hero on the Xbox. Magnus was surprisingly good, hitting each note perfectly, despite being steaming drunk.
         Frank downed enough shots to numb his extremities. He laughed when Joel began slurring his words. He laughed when Ralph tried to light his own farts and only succeeded in burning his arse. He laughed for no reason.
         Then there was a knock at the door.
         Joel froze with a bottle at his mouth. “Who’s that?”
         “What’s the time?” said Ralph, scratching his head.
         Frank checked his watch. “Almost midnight.”
         Magnus burped, gagged a little. His eyes were watery.
         “We expecting any visitors?” said Joel. The last word came out as ‘vishitors’.
         Ralph looked at Magnus. They both grinned. Ralph turned to Frank and winked.
         Frank stifled a laugh.
         Joel looked puzzled. Glazed eyes.
         “I’ll see who it is,” said Ralph. He struggled to rise from the sofa. He stumbled into the hallway, giggling like a schoolboy high on sugar.

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