The Hot Flash Club Read Free

“I’ll show him! I’ll sleep with Joe Foster.”
    “Joe Foster?”
    “Another lawyer in his office. They hate each other. They’re terrible rivals. Joe always flirts with me at parties. He’s a slimy sleazy little weasel.”
    “Then why would you want to sleep with him?”
    “Because it’s the worst thing I can imagine doing to Lars.”
    “Sounds like the worst thing you could do to yourself.” Faye took a deep breath. “All right, now. Let’s be sensible. You don’t want to have sex with a slimy sleazy little weasel, Laura. You don’t want to do anything until you’re
sure
that Lars is fooling around.”
    “And when I get proof”—Laura’s eyes filled with tears—“I’ll file for divorce.”
    “Hold on a minute. Let’s take one step at a time. You’ve got to think of Megan.”
    Laura looked over at her baby, propped in the corner of the sofa. Megan leaned forward, mouth open and drooling, brought the remote control toward her mouth with both hands and great concentration, and whacked herself on the nose. Turning crimson, she wailed.
    “Poor baby,” Faye cooed, gathering her grandchild in her arms.
    “She does this every night.” Laura sighed, and tossed back the rest of her sherry.
    “Hits herself in the face with a remote control?”
    “No, goes into a two-hour tantrum.”
    “This is the beginning of a two-hour tantrum?” Laura nodded miserably. “I’ve called the pediatrician. He said it might be colic, although at four months she’s a little old for colic. She had a checkup just last week, and she’s in perfect health. But every evening she does this for two hours. Then she falls asleep, and I can’t wake her. She sleeps until two or three in the morning, then wakes up and is bright and chipper and won’t go back to sleep until six, when Lars is waking up. I feel like a zombie.”
    “Oh, my poor darling,” Faye said. Rising, she brought the screaming baby to her shoulder and walked her, patting her back, an instinctive act that had undoubtedly been passed down through the genes since primitive woman. “Why didn’t you tell me about this before now, Laura?”
    “Because you’ve already helped so much! I’m an
adult
! I should be able to solve my problems myself!” She stamped her foot, looking terribly young and vulnerable.
    Faye moved Megan to the other shoulder. “Does Lars help with Megan?”
    “She screams even louder with Lars. I think she’s hurt his feelings.”
    “At least his eardrums,” Faye muttered wryly.
    “What?”
    “You slept through the night when you were a month old,” Faye admitted, feeling irrationally guilty for having had it so easy.
    “I know! So what am I doing wrong?”
    “It’s not a question of—”
    “I shouldn’t blame Lars if he is having an affair.” Laura’s tears started up again. “My breasts hang, I haven’t had the time to shave my legs since Megan was born, and all I can talk about is the color of her poop. I’ve gotten all saggy and boring! Probably not even Joe Foster would want me now.”
    “Nonsense,” Faye said briskly. “You’re the same beautiful, wonderful girl you’ve always been. All young mothers feel this way, overwhelmed and exhausted. It will get better. You’ll see.”
    “How can it get better if Lars is having an affair?” Laura wept.
    “Darling,” Faye said, raising her voice to make herself heard over Megan’s wailing, “you don’t
know
he’s having an affair.” Her heart broke in half as she looked at her daughter. Laura
did
look saggy—she
sagged
as she sat there, weeping. Never had Laura looked so terrible, and pity moved through Faye’s heart like a rumbling, rolling boulder, weighing her down so heavily that she slumped into an armchair, unable to stand.
    Megan wailed even louder.
    If only Jack were still alive. He would know exactly what to do. Faye knew she had to do
something
. But what?

2
    SHIRLEY
    The bedroom was quiet except for piano music trick-ling like water over