The Hipster Who Leapt Through Time (The Hipster Trilogy Book 2) Read Free

worry,” the engineer said. “You’ll be long dead before then.”
    She turned and made a clicking noise with her mouth before scuttling away with her walking device. He smiled as wide a smile as the tendons in his face would allow.  
    He crossed the road to the other side and found himself in front of a row of merchant shops — food, drinks, furniture, that sort of thing. The last time he was on this planet, he’d decided against eating any of the human food, on account of the plague that was rapidly killing humans, but he’d always regretted it. Eating ethnic food was part of the fun of working onsite. He’d read on the Freelance Network how good the meat and the alcohol was and he’d always felt a pang of regret that he never indulged.
    A group of Earth children, all in the same uniform of grey bottoms and red tops with a little white insignia on the chest, passed by. A school of them, led by a single teacher, bald of the head, bearded of the face.  
    How fascinating, he thought, to see how small and hairless the humans began, and how hairy and saggy they became. Years were not kind to humans. One of the children in red bumped into JoEl’s side. His fingers twitched.
    “Sorry sir,” the little blond-haired boy said. He looked up and JoEl caught his blue eyes.  
    “It’s okay, little one,” he said looking up to the teacher, who waved an apology to him.
    JoEl continued. He passed some houses, small red-bricked boxes with little patches of oxygen farms — squares of grass, flowers, and trees.  
    He took a deep breath and pulled the Earth’s air inside. A rich mix of oxygen and smog that clung to the back of his two hundred teeth.  
    “Marvellous,” he said again.
    He passed a shop window full of pictures of houses attached to monetary values. He caught his reflection in the glass. His skin was nice and tight around his face. He hoped it would stay that way for the duration of the job. A female inside waved at him and he waved back.
    Next up, a window display full of animal carcasses strung up. Their innards removed and exposed for all to see. JoEl’s mouth salivated.
    Tasty.  
    In handwritten gold paint, a sign above the door read ‘Jim’s Butcher’s’. The white splintered door was closed but the smell of flesh still found its way to JoEl’s nostrils. He pressed his hand against the cold wood and pushed it open. A bell rang above his head as the fresh wave of meat-stink hit him.  
    With all their progress, the humans still required analogue technologies such as doorbells. Disappointing, but still, the flesh appealed.
    Inside a cool breeze from a mechanical fan washed over JoEl and his finger’s twitched again. The shadows of the carcasses in the windows covered him. The counter was a display of more flesh. Some ground up and wrapped in organic matter. Some flayed strips. Some larger chunks of meat shaped into balls. A tongue of some sort — beastly, and full of pockets and nodules.
    “Oh yes,” he said aloud to nobody. “Lovely.”
    “You’d like some beef tongue?” a man said from behind the counter. His patch of grey hair and the tops of his eyes peered over the counter — a little piglet human with a belly full of meat and fat and fluids. Oh dear. Not too healthy. Is this the sign to come for the humans? Old and frail or fat and short? His chubby chin barely reached above the counter.
    “Yes,” JoEl said. “I’d like some tongue. And please give me some of those big pieces of … what are they called? “
    “Steak?” the piglet said. “You’d like a couple of sirloins?”
    “Yes,” JoEl said, showing him a good solid Earth grin. “I’d like to try a few of your delicacies.”  
    “Right, great, well then, well … let’s see … How many would you like?” The upper corner of the piglet’s lip lifted and his nose scrunched up. A horrible display.
    “Well … friend, I’d like to have a whole tongue, please.”
    The piglet man danced his head side to side like his