The Headhunters Read Free

‘Hey, I heard all about this creepy boss you want to do away with. Mr Cartwright, Yeah? Between us we ought to be able to help you out. I was saying to Jo, it’s not enough to top him. You’ve got to think the whole thing through. Make him disappear as well. That’s the biggest challenge. I was telling her about the case of a woman—’
    ‘Rick, don’t,’ Jo cut in. ‘We don’t want to hear it.’
    ‘We only ever hear about murders that get discovered,’ Rick said. ‘Those are the failures. There are plenty that go undetected. Hundreds, if not thousands. Think about all the people who go missing and are never seen again.’
    Gemma’s eyes widened. ‘Do you think some murderers get away with it?’
    ‘You’re joking. All the time.’
    ‘The perfect murder?’
    ‘I wouldn’t call it that. Getting rid of a body is no big deal. All it wants is some planning. In my job, for instance, I visit building sites, roadworks, motorways. When the foundations go down, they have to be approved. I get to know when a piece of ground is ready to be laid over with a few tons of cement. Come to that, I’ve surveyed old cemeteries that are getting turned into car parks and supermarkets. Who’s going to know?’
    ‘You’ve still got to get on the site and bury the body. I wouldn’t care for that,’ Gemma said.
    ‘Better than keeping it in your front room.’
    She laughed. ‘Well, yes, but there must be easier ways.’
    ‘I’m sure there are. Take Jo’s job.’
    ‘What?’ Jo said. She’d been listening to this and wishing Rick would shut up. ‘This is nothing to do with me. He’s not my boss.’
    ‘She works in a garden centre,’ he told Gemma as if she didn’t know already. ‘All she has to do is stick him in a raised flowerbed in one of the glasshouses and cover him with compost. You can get stuff to rot anything down. He’ll be pushing up next summer’s bedding plants and no one will be any the wiser.’
    ‘That’s ridiculous,’ Jo said.
    ‘She’d find it difficult on her own,’ Gemma said.
    ‘You’d help her, wouldn’t you?’ Rick said. ‘It’s your boss we’re knocking off.’
    Gemma exchanged a look with Jo that said, some men never know where to draw the line. ‘I meant it wouldn’t be easy moving his mortal remains.’
    ‘What are those little carts for that they have in garden centres?’
    Gemma burst out laughing again.
    Jo had heard more than enough. ‘If you think I’d risk my job to carry out your crazy scheme, you’re nuts.’
    ‘Lighten up, babe,’ Rick said. ‘I was only using you as an example. Who knows? You might need our services if your boss turns nasty. We’d better think up a team name.’
    ‘The Cretins?’ Jo said.
    ‘I was thinking the Headhunters.’
    Gemma said, ‘Neat.’
    Rick gave her a smile and continued stirring. ‘Between us, we’ve got it made. Take Jake, for instance. I expect he goes out in a boat looking at his waterfowl. I guarantee he knows places where you could shove a body overboard and it would stay there. What do you reckon, Jake?’
    Jake appeared to ponder the matter for a while. Finally, he said, ‘I don’t dance.’
    A real conversation-stopper.
    Rick frowned. ‘Get with it, mate. We’re dumping a body.’
    ‘No problem, Jake,’ Gemma said. ‘Jongleurs is a comedy club as well. You can sit and have a laugh. And if we do some dancing no one’s going to notice you. It’s too crowded.’
    ‘Don’t know about that,’ Rick said. ‘He would stand out in a crowd.’
    Gemma giggled again. It seemed unkind.
    Jo said, ‘We don’t have to go dancing. We could see a film.’
    ‘Bor-ing,’ Rick sang out.
    ‘You haven’t even checked what’s on.’
    ‘ March of the Penguins, ’ Jake said at once, belying the impression that he was slow.
    ‘That’s a documentary, isn’t it?’ Rick said. ‘Came out yonks ago.’
    ‘I didn’t see it,’ Jo said. ‘It’s supposed to be a classic.’
    ‘What else is on?’ Rick said.