The First Time is the Hardest: An Austin Brothers Novella (Austin Brothers Series Book 1) Read Free Page B

cry. I was all cried out. I'd spent the night curled up in a ball, letting the pain of today—of saying goodbye—consume me.
    But today, I would be strong.
    For Lucas.
    The priest's lips moved, but I heard nothing. Mom and Dad stood close behind me, and my brothers behind them. Ryan sat to my left, and then his parents and some of their extended family who had flown in from various places in and around Texas.
    “And now, Mila Austin would like to say a few words.”
    I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes saying a silent prayer for the strength I needed to get through this. Unlike my parents, I wasn't a religious girl, but grief worked in mysterious ways, and I'd spoken to God a lot over the last few days. Of course, he couldn't answer my prayers now. He couldn't give Lucas back to me.
    I broke out of the line and walked to the front of the gathering. Father McCaw smiled at me as I stepped up onto the platform and reached into the pocket of my black dress and pulled out a folded sheet of paper.
    “When Mr. and Mrs. Gennery asked me if I would like to say something today, my first instinct was to refuse. Why on earth would I want to stand up here and try to put into words how much L-” The word stuck in my throat, and I swallowed hard. “Lucas will be missed? Funerals aren't for the person gone; they're for the ones left behind. But my best friend, one of the best people I ever knew, deserves more than that. I could stand here and tell you that Lucas was a kind soul. The kind of guy who would go above and beyond for anyone, he was good through and through. Or I could stand up here and tell you how Lucas wanted nothing more than to make his parents proud.”
    My eyes flickered to where the Gennerys stood. “He loved you both so, so much. Or I could tell you all how Lucas Gennery was going somewhere. How one day, in the not-so-distant future, Lucas was going to start the adventure of his life.”
    I stared out at the sea of black. Tear-stained faces, stricken with sadness, watched me. It was surreal, standing there, knowing that Lucas’s body was inside of the casket laying only feet away.
    Lucas.
    The realization hit me like a wrecking ball, and I doubled over, clutching the stand. Everything blurred as warm tears filled my eyes, and the throbbing in my head unsteadied me.
    Lucas was dead.
    Gone.
    I gasped, my eyes locked on the casket. The paper in my hand fluttered to the ground as I turned and ran.
    I’d almost stumbled off the platform, but I managed to right myself. I heard someone call out my name behind me, but I didn’t look back. The air whooshed past me as I sprinted down the hill behind the cemetery. The neatly trimmed grass surrounding the church began to change. It became wild and unkempt as it morphed into a meadow.
    But I didn’t stop.
    I didn’t look back.
    I kept running until I could no longer breathe, and when I finally came to a standstill, I dropped to my knees, panting. My legs ached and my lungs burned, but it was better than feeling the pain of standing there.
    How did this happen?
    I’d been so calm and collected, so determined to be strong for the Gennerys. For myself.
    For Lucas.
    But the second I’d looked—really looked—at the casket, it was like hearing it for the first time again.
    Lucas is gone. He’s dead, Mila .
    Six words had changed my world.
    Ugly sobs ripped from me, from places I didn’t even know existed, and I cried out, “How could you do this to me, Lucas?”
    Of course, he didn’t answer.
    No one did.
    For as long as I could remember, Lucas had been there. He’d been the other half of my whole. We’d started kindergarten together, been in the same grade at school, I was his date to the prom, and then we’d graduated from high school together. I’d shared every milestone in my life with him. It wasn’t until he received a full scholarship to Vanderbilt that our paths split. Part of me had hoped he would attend Tulane with me, but I wasn’t about to stand in the