The First Time is the Hardest: An Austin Brothers Novella (Austin Brothers Series Book 1) Read Free Page A

about this? He’s not like Lucas.”
    I snatched my arm away and snapped, “He just lost his brother, Chase. Show some goddamn respect.”
    My brothers’ heads whipped round to me, and they stared at me slack-jawed.
    “Mila.” Colton cleared his throat. “I don’t think Chase meant anything by it. We’re just worri-”
    “For the love of God, Colton Matthew Austin, do not let the next words come out of your mouth. Ryan is Lucas’s brother. I’ll be home later.” I glared at my eldest brother daring him to challenge me again.
    Defeated, he sighed and nodded. “Be safe. You know where we are if you need us.”
    I climbed out of the car and made my way over to Ryan.
    “I’m surprised they let you out of the car without a fight.” He didn’t look at me as I approached. Instead, his eyes remained fixated on nothing.
    “I’m twenty-one, Ryan. They don’t get to boss me around anymore.”
    “All grown up,” he murmured under his breath.
    “Can I sit?”
    “Sure.” He shuffled over, and I sat next to him, the extra weight causing the bench to swing. I shuffled back and tipped my head back, closing my eyes. “They took me out to the lake. Lucas loved that place.”
    “Must be real nice to have three brothers who look out for you.”
    “Ryan, I didn’t mean-”
    “Sorry, that was uncalled for. It’s just, shit, Mila, he’s all I had.”
    “You have your parents. They love you.”
    “It’s not the same. Lucas understood me. I didn’t need to put on a fake show for him. And now, he’s gone. I didn’t even get to say goodbye, you know. I hadn’t been home in five months. Five fucking months and then he goes and leaves me.”
    The pain in Ryan’s voice was almost too much to bear, and I reached across the swing to slide my hand into his. His body tensed, and for a second, I thought he was going to snatch it away, but then his fingers uncurled and entwined with my own.
    We’d never been close—he was always just Lucas’s older brother—but it felt right to be sitting here with him. We had both lost the most important person in the world to us. That kind of thing bound two people together.
    “I’m here, Ryan. You have me now.”
    He didn’t reply. We sat there, in the same place I’d sat so many times with Lucas, in silence.
    “I don’t know how I’m going to get through tomorrow,” he said after what felt like an eternity.
    I shifted to look at him and pulled his hand onto my lap. “You just will. The first time is the hardest, remember? I tell myself that every morning, Ryan. It hurts, geez, it hurts so damn much, when I wake up and remember he’s gone, but I make a promise to him that I’ll get through the day.”
    “You’re stronger than I am, Mila. You have your brothers and your parents. I don’t even have a room here anymore. They turned it into an office.”
    That Ryan hadn’t always seen eye to eye with his parents was no secret. He was four years older than we were, the same age as Chase. By the time he was seventeen, Carol and Peter were struggling to rein in his behavior, and as soon as he turned eighteen, he left Radeno. Lucas had sulked for a month, but they kept in touch almost as much as we had.
    “If you need somewhere to stay …” What was I saying? Ryan couldn’t stay at the house with us; my family wouldn’t understand.
    “Thanks, but I have a place.”
    I wanted to ask where. To make sure he was going to be okay. He was Lucas’s brother, after all—the closest thing I had to Lucas right now.
    “Dad offered the couch, but I can’t stay in there. He’s in everything, Mila. The smell, the photos, even the goddamn plants in the window box. It’s all Lucas.”
    I rubbed my thumb over the curve of his hand. “I know. I feel him everywhere.”
    “How the fuck did this happen?” His voice rasped, and the permanent lump in my throat rose, stealing my voice.
    I have no idea, Ryan.
    No idea at all.
     

Chapter 3
     
    MUFFLED SOBS FILLED the air, but I didn't