The Eternal Wonder Read Free Page B

stinging, but from a wound inside him which he could not define. It spread through his breast, an inner hurt. He suddenly felt alone and lost. This soft warm Creature who tended him day and night, who suckled him at her breasts and upon whom he was utterly dependent, had inflicted pain upon him! He had trusted her wholly, and now he could not trust her because she had hurt him! He felt separated, a being attached nowhere, and therefore lost. True, as he continued heartbroken, weeping, she gathered him into her arms, she rocked him to and fro, but he could not stop weeping. She thrust her nipple into his open mouth, offering him food again, the warm, sweet food that he always eagerly accepted, but he turned his head away and refused it. He cried until he no longer felt the inner pain and then he fell asleep.
    WHEN HE WOKE FROM SLEEP, he was in his crib, lying on his right side. He turned on his back and then on his left side. With a desire new to him, he felt impelled to his right side and, still impelled, to turn onto his stomach. Then because his face was pressed against the bed, he was impelled to lift his head. Everything looked new and different, as though he had never been here before. He seemed to be gazing from a height. Moreover, he could turn his head to one side and another. He was constantly being surprised like this. Now he heard a loud cry and felt himself swept up into the arms of the Creature, she who could inflict such pain that he had wept himself to sleep. But this was pleasure he was feeling, a new sort of pleasure, having nothing to do with food. If he had felt inner pain, he was now pervaded by inner pleasure. He belonged to her again. He felt himself enfolded and attached again. She was making sounds, he felt her lips on his cheeks, in his neck. She called and another Creature came and stared at him. He looked from one to the other, feeling attached to them both. This was instinct again. He did not know them nor why he felt a part of them. But it was pleasurable. He felt his mouth move, his lips waver by instinct, he made a new sound and he heard cries of joy and surprise from the two others.
     
    AFTER THIS HE FELT HIMSELF CHANGING almost daily. What seemed impossible to do, he felt impelled to do. It became entirely natural when he was in his crib to roll over onto his stomach and lift his head. Then he pushed himself up and his world grew bigger. He could see outside the crib. In a few days, how many he did not know, for he was still impelled by instinct, he found that he could also raise his body to his knees. On hands and knees he rocked back and forth, feeling motion throughout his body. It was pleasurable, and he did it again and again. After this, the days moved quickly. Instinct moved more and more swiftly to knowledge. Now it was a matter of habit to get on his hands and knees. He knew how to do it, and it was no longer enough. Instinct persuaded him to move forward, putting one hand in front of the other, his knees following, and then when he reached the limits of the crib, or the place the Creature put him by day, since he could go no farther, he grasped the wooden slats and pulled himself upward.
    Now he was really at a height. At such a height everything, the whole world, looked different. He was no longer beneath. He was above. He was high above the world and he laughed with joy.
    PRESSING HIS FACE BETWEEN THE SLATS , he saw the Creatures, those with whom he belonged, one or two, moving here and there. Instinct stirred in him, but it was also knowledge. He had many ways now of knowing. He watched with his eyes, he had seen without knowing at first, but now knowing came, when he continued to see—spoon, plate, cup—instead of breast, these, too, he knew were for feeding. He was learning to know. More time was spent now in learning than in instinctive movements. He was surrounded by things. Each of these had to be learned about, how it felt in his hands, or if it were too big to hold, then