The End of FUN Read Free

IS—”
    And then of course the reggae stopped and the only sound was my voice shouting out those last few words.
    Dulah turned to me. His eyes were all funny. “Say that again? What did you have to admit? I couldn’t hear you over the music, man.”
    â€œAre you OK? What are you on?”
    â€œFUN ® .”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œI’m having FUN ® , man.”
    â€œFun doing what?”
    Dulah just looked at me. “The chip in my head. The
lenses
, man. Fully Ubiquitous Neuralnet. That’s how you say it: having FUN ® .”
    It wasn’t the first time I’d heard of FUN ® , but it was the first time I really paid any attention. Dulah gave me the rundown. It had started in Korea and spread from there, and now it was coming to America, but the home version was still in beta, and they needed testers to report bugs.
    â€œGet on while you can, neighbor. My whole world has changed. Like right now? I’m running the
frogskin
, man.”
    â€œFrogskin?”
    â€œIt makes everyone look like a
frog
. You look like a
frog
, man.”
    â€œOh.”
    â€œRibbit ribbit,
man
. And the best part is, I’m earning FUN ® . And FUN ® is
money
.”
    â€œActual money?”
    â€œEnough to pay my rent. More than enough.”
    â€œHow?”
    â€œBug reports, bonuses, gold mining—but the most FUN ® is with YAY!s.”
    â€œWhat’s a yay?”
    Something flickered across his big, dark pupils. “Repeat after me:
Yay for FUN
®
!
”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œSay it,” said Dulah. “Say,
Yay for FUN
®
!
”
    So I said it. “Yay for fun.”
    And Dulah was all, “BAM! I just earned plus 10 for getting you to say that! If I talk about it, I get even more. This shit is for
real
, yo. Once you’re having FUN ® , you won’t ever want to stop.
Everyday reality is a drag ™
, man.”
    And although he was earning FUN ® for saying the official tagline, you could tell that he actually kind of meant it, too.
    So the next afternoon I went downtown to see about starting to have some FUN ® .
    The lensing station was located in an office on Pine Street, sort of like an optometrist’s but without the glasses. The lady handed me a pad, and I clicked through the User Agreement.
    YES I AGREE
    YES I AGREE
    YES I AGREE
    She took the pad and sent me to a little room in the back. I sat in the recliner. The machine lowered. A voice said:
    CONCENTRATE ON THE DOT.
    PREPARE FOR CHIP AND LENSING.
    The dot moved around in a jittery circle. I felt a prick in the base of my skull. Then everything went pixelated.
    And as I stumbled out of the chair and into the light, the world had changed. It was bigger now, brighter, the entire landscape webbed in a shiny digital overlay, bonuses and interfaces just waiting to be touched. I stood at the doorway with the sensory information blowing over me like sand on a windy day at the beach, and a blinking robot face took shape—two eyes, no mouth. When it spoke, a readout appeared at the bottom of my vision:
    > hello!
    i am Homie™!
    i will be your guide!
    i will be your very
    best friend!
    r u
    ready
    to have
    some
    FUN ® ?
    :)

OK, now I would like to say YAY! for the Shit. And by “the Shit,” I mean “anything that is superior in a pleasing way.” Like for example fine wines, making out, or Psyke2 ® IntraCranial graphics chips. FUN ® was the Shit. Especially at the beginning. I mean, people are always talking about some new shit, and sometimes it’s decent shit, and occasionally it’s good shit, but most of the time it’s just…shit.
    Not this time.
    This
time the Shit was for real. You could see it and hear it and touch it—you could hold the Shit in your hands. You couldn’t smell it or taste it, but that was fine because it was FUN ® and it was everywhere. You were swimming in it. And the other cool part was