French restaurant. It was Deacon’s favourite; if he wasn’t working they came here every Friday night. He liked it because, however busy it got, they always managed to find him a nice quiet table. He thought they were protecting his privacy. In fact they were protecting the rest of their clients from the arguments that surrounded him the way storm clouds gather round mountains.
“You realise what you’re doing?” said Brodie.
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You’re urging me to make up a fight with another man. That’s very Caring And Sharing of you.”
Deacon shrugged like a buffalo dislodging ox-peckers. On a list of New Men he put himself somewhere below Mike Tyson – he didn’t even stroke his cat. He didn’t know what Brodie saw in him, and didn’t ask. If she thought his rough, cynical exterior hid a heart of gold he wasn’t about to disabuse her. “You want to make me jealous, you’ll have to try harder than that. I may not know
exactly what it is between you and Daniel but I know what it isn’t.”
“He’s my best friend,” Brodie said simply. Her tone hardened. “At least, he used to be.”
“And I used to be a policeman,” snorted Deacon. “Some things last. Some things last longer than you want them to.”
Her eyes flared at him again. “This wasn’t my idea, Jack. I didn’t send Daniel away because of the choice he made in a frightful situation. He left because I couldn’t give him my whole-hearted approval. I was willing to draw a line under it. He wasn’t.”
“He was the one who was hurting,” murmured Deacon. “He needed your support. You could have lied.”
“To Daniel?” Her voice soared. “You think that would have made things better? Daniel thinks lying is the sin against the Holy Ghost – except of course that he’s an atheist. You can’t make this my fault, Jack. It happened because Daniel’s as stubborn as you are: there’s only one right way and that’s his way, and there’s only one reasonable position for other people to take and that’s lined up behind him. Well, other people’s consciences matter too. I can live with what he did, but I’m sure as hell not going to fete him for it!”
Deacon breathed heavily. “You’d rather lose him? You’d rather have him ride off into the sunset and never know what became of him? And don’t say yes because I know it isn’t true. You want to talk about stubborn, let’s talk about you. We both know you could find him in half a day if you wanted to. You’ve done it before, the only reason you’re not doing it now is you think it’s his turn to make a move. Well, maybe it is, but maybe he isn’t able to. You’re stronger than he is. And you haven’t as much on the line.”
Brodie snorted her derision. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Daniel isn’t weak –”
“He’s fragile, and you know it as well as I do. How could he be anything else? He’s lost the life he used to have. He’s been surrounded by death for eight months. He needs your kindness, Brodie. You’re offering to meet him halfway when what he needs is for you to follow him wherever he’s gone, dig him out of whatever hole he’s crawled into and bring him home.”
Brodie was stilled by surprise. It wasn’t that Deacon never expressed his feelings, just that the feelings he expressed were always anger and impatience. She knew there was another side to him, of course, or why was she here? But she was stunned by the unexpected opening of this window to his soul and the human decency it illuminated. She found herself glancing round, in case anyone had noticed. If they had Deacon would have some fences to mend.
But no. The waiters’ strategy was sound. If the other diners realised they were arguing none had thought it interesting enough to let their own meals go cold.
After a moment Brodie reached across the tablecloth and put her hand over Deacon’s. Even now she couldn’t touch him without being aware of
“You realise what you’re doing?” said Brodie.
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You’re urging me to make up a fight with another man. That’s very Caring And Sharing of you.”
Deacon shrugged like a buffalo dislodging ox-peckers. On a list of New Men he put himself somewhere below Mike Tyson – he didn’t even stroke his cat. He didn’t know what Brodie saw in him, and didn’t ask. If she thought his rough, cynical exterior hid a heart of gold he wasn’t about to disabuse her. “You want to make me jealous, you’ll have to try harder than that. I may not know
exactly what it is between you and Daniel but I know what it isn’t.”
“He’s my best friend,” Brodie said simply. Her tone hardened. “At least, he used to be.”
“And I used to be a policeman,” snorted Deacon. “Some things last. Some things last longer than you want them to.”
Her eyes flared at him again. “This wasn’t my idea, Jack. I didn’t send Daniel away because of the choice he made in a frightful situation. He left because I couldn’t give him my whole-hearted approval. I was willing to draw a line under it. He wasn’t.”
“He was the one who was hurting,” murmured Deacon. “He needed your support. You could have lied.”
“To Daniel?” Her voice soared. “You think that would have made things better? Daniel thinks lying is the sin against the Holy Ghost – except of course that he’s an atheist. You can’t make this my fault, Jack. It happened because Daniel’s as stubborn as you are: there’s only one right way and that’s his way, and there’s only one reasonable position for other people to take and that’s lined up behind him. Well, other people’s consciences matter too. I can live with what he did, but I’m sure as hell not going to fete him for it!”
Deacon breathed heavily. “You’d rather lose him? You’d rather have him ride off into the sunset and never know what became of him? And don’t say yes because I know it isn’t true. You want to talk about stubborn, let’s talk about you. We both know you could find him in half a day if you wanted to. You’ve done it before, the only reason you’re not doing it now is you think it’s his turn to make a move. Well, maybe it is, but maybe he isn’t able to. You’re stronger than he is. And you haven’t as much on the line.”
Brodie snorted her derision. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Daniel isn’t weak –”
“He’s fragile, and you know it as well as I do. How could he be anything else? He’s lost the life he used to have. He’s been surrounded by death for eight months. He needs your kindness, Brodie. You’re offering to meet him halfway when what he needs is for you to follow him wherever he’s gone, dig him out of whatever hole he’s crawled into and bring him home.”
Brodie was stilled by surprise. It wasn’t that Deacon never expressed his feelings, just that the feelings he expressed were always anger and impatience. She knew there was another side to him, of course, or why was she here? But she was stunned by the unexpected opening of this window to his soul and the human decency it illuminated. She found herself glancing round, in case anyone had noticed. If they had Deacon would have some fences to mend.
But no. The waiters’ strategy was sound. If the other diners realised they were arguing none had thought it interesting enough to let their own meals go cold.
After a moment Brodie reached across the tablecloth and put her hand over Deacon’s. Even now she couldn’t touch him without being aware of
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