The Death Agreement Read Free

me,
his breath smelling like pistachios.
    Then I was gone.
    ***
    In the end, the doctors managed to
save my left leg, amputating my right leg instead.
    I would've thought it funny if I
weren't already plotting suicide. The hospital staff must have
known. They kept my wrists strapped down and never left me
alone.
    A week later, the Army sent word I
was stable enough to leave Ramstein and put me on a C-17 flying
back to the States, destination: Walter Reed Army Medical Center,
Maryland—otherwise known as the prison where I had been doomed to
spend the next eighteen frustrating months.
    ***
    As an incoming WRAMC patient, I
quickly learned no one enjoys being helpless. Though angry at
myself, I took most of the bitterness out on the nursing
staff.
    I always felt like being a
miserable little cuss. If anyone wearing a uniform came into my
room, I screamed at them until they retreated.
    Even the nurses changing my
dressings or emptying my bedpan weren't spared my wrath.
    The staff always kept their cool,
even when I lost mine. They met my rants with understanding eyes
and unwavering friendliness. Because of their impossibly kind
treatment, my anger faded to depression, and regardless of the pity
I wanted to feel, my attitude improved as the wounds
healed.
    Then the hospital staff felt
confident enough in my mental state to transfer me to a private
room, and that's when life became a little more
bearable.
    They call that the end of 'Phase
One'. I still hated the fact I was alive but no longer thought
about suicide everyday. Though I didn't know it, I was well on my
way into 'Phase Two', affectionately known as the 'Wounded Warrior
Nothing Game'. It's the part of recovery when the mind has too much
time to think and the body isn't capable of doing much of anything.
Stuck in a bed for most of the day, I read books, played video
games, and looked at too much porn.
    When you are down a limb, what
else is there other than fantasizing? At least it wasn't my right
arm they cut off.
    ***
    Months later, I heard a heavy
knock at my door.
    "Coming," I said, rolling my
wheelchair over to the foyer. I opened the door to Taylor standing
in the hallway holding up two middle fingers.
    "Hey, Gimp!" He pulled me up for a
hug.
    "What in the hell are you doing
here? I thought you were still in the sandbox?"
    "Nope. I'm done with that. My
promotion came through, and they offered me a Joint Task Force
position at the Naval Academy in Annapolis. We're practically
neighbors." He took a deep breath and let it out. "Damn good to see
you, Jon."
    "You too, Jesse. I'm glad you're
are back home."
    We caught up over lunch, talking
about the normal things friends talk about. Taylor told me Lorie
and little Jon sent their love, as did the rest of his family, then
he took out his laptop.
    "You gotta see these," he said.
"Look."
    He clicked on a folder and
pictures from Afghanistan filled the screen. As he swiped though,
he gave a morose report on our friend that didn't make it out.
After a moment of silence for the fallen, he flipped over to the
next image and my heart nearly stopped.
    A mangled and destroyed Black Hawk
sat partially submerged in a glorified puddle of water. All of the
propeller blades had been broken off and the cockpit smashed in
completely.
    "Is that…?"
    "Yes. I went out to the crash site
while you were in Germany."
    I tried to speak but
couldn't.
    "Thought you might want it,"
Taylor said. He opened up his email account, attached the image,
and pressed send.
    I nodded. "Excuse me. I'll be
right back."
    "Sure."
    I rolled my wheelchair to the
bathroom, not wanting to break down in the middle of the dining
hall.
     

     
    Once I regained my composure, I
went back to the table and broke the ice again by explaining how I
could still wiggle my toes even though they weren't
there.
    Taylor suggested we join a group
of Air Force guys playing cards at another table. We played,
laughed, and had a good time. After a while, he looked at his watch
and said