The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time Read Free Page A

I heard nothing for a long while.
    At 1:28 a.m. a policeman opened the door of the cell and told me that there was someone to see me.
    I stepped outside. Father was standing in the corridor. He held up his right hand and spread his fingers out in a fan. I held up my left hand and spread my fingers out in a fan and we made our fingers and thumbs touch each other. We do this because sometimes Father wants to give me a hug, but I do not like hugging people so we do this instead, and it means that he loves me.
    Then the policeman told us to follow him down the corridor to another room. In the room was a table and three chairs. He told us to sit down on the far side of the table and he sat down on the other side. There was a tape recorder on the table and I asked whether I was going to be interviewed and he was going to record the interview.
    He said, “I don't think there will be any need for that.”
    He was an inspector. I could tell because he wasn't wearing a uniform. He also had a very hairy nose. It looked as if there were two very small mice hiding in his nostrils. 2
    He said, “I have spoken to your father and he says that you didn't mean to hit the policeman.”
    I didn't say anything because this wasn't a question.
    He said, “Did you mean to hit the policeman?”
    I said, “Yes.”
    He squeezed his face and said, “But you didn't mean to hurt the policeman?”
    I thought about this and said, “No. I didn't mean to hurt the policeman. I just wanted him to stop touching me.”
    Then he said, “You know that it is wrong to hit a policeman, don't you?”
    I said, “I do.”
    He was quiet for a few seconds, then he asked, “Did you kill the dog, Christopher?”
    I said, “I didn't kill the dog.”
    He said, “Do you know that it is wrong to lie to a policeman and that you can get into a very great deal of trouble if you do?”
    I said, “Yes.”
    He said, “So, do you know who killed the dog?”
    I said, “No.”
    He said, “Are you telling the truth?”
    I said, “Yes. I always tell the truth.”
    And he said, “Right. I am going to give you a caution.”
    I asked, “Is that going to be on a piece of paper like a certificate I can keep?”
    He replied, “No, a caution means that we are going to keep a record of what you did, that you hit a policeman but that it was an accident and that you didn't mean to hurt the policeman.”
    I said, “But it wasn't an accident.”
    And Father said, “Christopher, please.”
    The policeman closed his mouth and breathed out loudly through his nose and said, “If you get into any more trouble we will take out this record and see that you have been given a caution and we will take things much more seriously. Do you understand what I'm saying?”
    I said that I understood.
    Then he said that we could go and he stood up and opened the door and we walked out into the corridor and back to the front desk, where I picked up my Swiss Army knife and my piece of string and the piece of the wooden puzzle and the 3 pellets of rat food for Toby and my £1.47 and the paper clip and my front door key, which were all in a little plastic bag, and we went out to Father's car, which was parked outside, and we drove home.
    37. I do not tell lies. Mother used to say that this was because I was a good person. But it is not because I am a good person. It is because I can't tell lies.
    Mother was a small person who smelled nice. And she sometimes wore a fleece with a zip down the front which was pink and it had a tiny label which said
Berghaus
on the left bosom.
    A lie is when you say something happened which didn't happen. But there is only ever one thing which happened at a particular time and a particular place. And there are an infinite number of things which didn't happen at that time and that place. And if I think about something which didn't happen I start thinking about all the other things which didn't happen.
    For example, this morning for breakfast I had Ready Brek and some hot