The Coaster Read Free

ride him, not that anyone would. You could walk faster. The few remaining strands of hair that passed for his tail couldn’t even knock a fly out of the air. Instead of his name, it should have said Do Not Resuscitate over his stall.
    The poor creature was miserable. So naturally Sarah wanted him to undergo an expensive medical procedure that would extend his wretched existence a few months or years. If he were lucky, it would kill him. It’s always difficult to tell the vet something is a little too expensive for a mere animal, especially when your sobbing wife probably told him to do whatever it takes to save Gluey. I always assume the vet is an animal lover or he wouldn’t have become a vet in the first place, so I tread carefully.
    The vet put a hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eye and, perhaps blinking back a tear, said, “Don’t worry, Bob. I know how much you love Gluey, and I can assure you he’ll receive the best equine medical care in the world.” And that’s what he got. Those last two weeks hooked up to one-hundred-thousand-dollar machines may have been the best of Gluey’s life.
    I drained my scotch, washed out my glass in the sink—it was nice to get one in before Sarah started counting—and headed outside. When I got to the barn, Sarah and her trainer were wrestling a big black stallion out of the trailer. I could tell it was a stallion because I know a lot about horses. And it was wild and aggressive. And it had a big black cock.
    Sarah was struggling to get the beast into a stall.
    â€œWhat do we have here, honey?”
    Sarah turned and smiled sheepishly. “Bob, this is Oedipus Platinum. He’s going to be staying with us for a while.”
    â€œThat’s good. We need some more aggressive, violent animals around here. The kids are getting too comfortable.”
    â€œThey’ll be fine.”
    â€œBy the way, didn’t the original Oedipus screw his mother and kill his father?”
    â€œI have no plans to screw the horse, Bob.”
    â€œSo you’re leaving open the possibility that he might kill me.”
    â€œI’m not his mother and you’re not his father. Oedipus is his show name. His barn name is Rex.”
    â€œWhat’s Rex doing here?”
    â€œIt’s a pre-purchase trial. Gives me a chance to check him out before leasing or buying him.”
    I stared up at Rex. He was massive, completely black except for a flash of white like a lightning bolt between his eyes. He looked like a horse superhero. “What kind of horse is he?’
    Rex leaned down and snorted as Sarah patted his muzzle. “He’s a Dutch Warmblood, bred in Holland to jump. Seventeen hands. Nearly fifteen hundred pounds. Big, powerful, graceful, and athletic. To put it in terms you would understand, he’s the power forward of the horse world.”
    â€œAn impressive animal, to be sure. But do we really want a stallion around here?”
    â€œIf you geld him, he’ll lose his aggressiveness as a jumper. Not to mention giving up any chance at breeding him if he’s a champion.”
    I reached up and tried to rub his muzzle as Sarah had. He snorted and yanked his head away. “I sympathize with you there, boy. I’m not a champion, but I still like to breed.”
    I turned to Sarah. “Seriously, a stallion will try to kick you in the head every chance he gets.”
    â€œIt will be good for the kids to learn caution around dangerous animals.”
    â€œWeren’t there any tigers or crocodiles available? We might as well be running a fucking zoo.”
    Sarah stared at me like I’d suggested getting a pet that wasn’t a rescue. “You know I would never force an animal to live in a cage.”
    â€œAre you kidding? Every wild animal would love to live at a zoo. You think they enjoy hunting for their food? Have you noticed you never see a fat predator? That’s because they hunt just