The Butcher Boy Read Free Page B

Tax. Yes, Mrs Nugent I said, the pig toll tax it is and every time you want to get past it costs a shilling. Her lips got so thin you really would think they were drawn with a pencil and the skin on her forehead was so tight I thought maybe the bones were going to burst out. But they didn't and I says to Philip I'll tell you what Philip you can have half. So what's that then one shilling for Mrs Nooge, I said and twopence halfpenny for Philip. I don't know why I called her Mrs Nooge, it just came into my head. I thought it was a good thing to call her but she didn't. She got as red as a beetroot then. Yup, I said again, ya gotta pay the old tax Mrs Nooge, and I stood there with my thumbs hooked in my braces like a Western old timer. She got all heated up then oh yes hot and bothered. Philip didn't know what to do he had given up the idea of investigating the pig toll tax I think he just wanted to get away altogether but I couldn't allow that until the pig toll tax was paid, that was the rules of pig land I told them. I'm sorry I said like they always do when they're asking you for money, if you ask me its far too much but that's the way it is I'm afraid. It has to be collected someone has to do it ha ha. She tried to push her way past then but I got a grip of her by the sleeve of her coat and it made it all awkward for her she couldn't see what was holding her back. Her hat had tilted sideways and there was a lemon hanging down over the brim. She tried to pull away but I had a good tight hold of the sleeve and she couldn't manage it.
    Durn taxes, I said, ain't fair on folks. When I looked again there was a tear in her eye but she wouldn't please me to let it out. When I saw that I let go of her sleeve and smiled. Right, I says I'll tell you what, I'll let you by this time folks but remember now in future -- make sure and have the pig toll tax ready. I stood there staring after them, she was walking faster than Philip trying to fix the lemon at the same time telling him to come on. When they were passing the cinema I shouted I ain't foolin' Mrs Nooge but I don't know if she heard me or not. The last thing I saw was Philip turning to look back but she pulled him on ahead.
     
    A fellow went by and I says to him do you know what its a bad state of affairs when people won't pay a tax to get by. Who are you he says. Brady I said.
    He was wheeling a black bike with a coat thrown over the handlebars. He stopped and rested it against a pole then dug deep in the pocket of his trousers and produced a pipe and a tin of tobacco. Brady? he says, would that be Brady of the Terrace? That's right I says. O, he says, I see. You see what, I said. Your father was a great man one time, he says. He was one of the best musicians ever was in this town. He went to see Eddie Calvert, he says then. I said I wanted to hear no more about Eddie Calvert. You don't like music, he says, do you think the town will win again Saturday? I told him I wanted to hear nothing about football either. You don't think its a great thing the town won the cup? he says. No, I says. I said it was it pity they didn't lose. I see, he says, well what's this tax you're talking about, you seem to care about that. He was all on for a discussion about the government and the way things had gone. There was a smell of turf fires and buttermilk off him. He tapped the bowl of his pipe against his thigh and he says which tax would this be now.
    He thought it was some outrageous tax the government had brought in and he was about to say its time this quit or they have the country destroyed when I said ah no its not the government at all. It was invented by me, and its only the people I say.
    And who are you, he says.
    Francie Pig the Toll Tax Man, I says and he shook his head and tapped the pipe again, that's a good laugh he says.
    Laugh, I said, I don't know where you get the idea its a good laugh. Then he said tsk tsk and you're an awful man altogether. He puffed on the pipe. Pig Toll