The Alien Read Free Page A

minutes for me to dress successfully. There is a lot to remember, and every bit of clothing can only go on one way. Socks go on the feet and not on the hands, for example.
    When I was done, they all stared at me. Even Tobias flew down to stare.
    â€œRachel, he looks like he’s going to the country club to play polo,” Marco said. “I knew we shouldn’t let you pick the clothes. He’s like a bully magnet. Even I want to beat him up.”
    â€œIt’s a classic look,” Rachel said angrily. “Like
you’re
Mister Fashion? A person who dresses like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo?”
    â€œI think he looks cute,” Cassie said.
     Tobias remarked from his perch in the tree above.
    â€œIt is?” I asked.
     Tobias said.
    Ax-man. That’s what Tobias calls me sometimes.
    â€œCome on, Ax,” Prince Jake said, smiling. “Let’s do this. If anyone tries to beat you up, we’ll protect you.”

I did not understand the plot of that story,” I said.
    We were in the movie theater. I was “sitting.” This involves bending your body and resting on the fat deposits halfway down the back of your body.
    â€œThat was a
preview
, Ax,” Prince Jake said. “It’s just to give you an idea what the whole movie will be like when it comes out.”
    â€œYes. I see. Why is the screen flat and two-dimensional? Flat. Flat-tuh.”
    â€œBecause that’s how some movies are.”
    â€œAh.”
    â€œYou want some popcorn?” Marco asked. He held one of the open boxes they had obtained. He moved it close to me.
    â€œIs it food?” I asked.
    â€œWell, sort of,” Prince Jake said. “But, Ax? You know how you get around food, okay? So remember — don’t get carried away.”
    I watched Marco eat some of the popcorn. I did as he did. I stuck my large human fingers into the box. I removed a handful of the food and stuck it in my mouth.
    I chewed.
    The texture was rough and strange. And the flavor! It reminded me of a food called pizza. But there was just a hint of cigarette butts, which I also enjoy. Although Prince Jake had told me never to eat cigarette butts again. They are bad for you.
    I took another handful of the popcorn. I chewed it. Another handful.
    â€œThis is excellent!” I cried.
    â€œIt tastes like it’s about a week old,” Marco said.
    â€œWhat are these flavors? What are they called?”
    â€œI don’t know. Salt? Grease?”
    â€œSalt!” I said, savoring the very sound of the word. “Salt! And grease! Greee-suh!”
    â€œHey, hold it down,” someone behind me said. “The movie is starting.”
    â€œSalt. Salt-tuh. Grease. Greeeesss.”
    â€œAx, don’t talk so loud, okay?” Prince Jake suggested.
    â€œHere, just take the box,” Marco said.
    He handed me the box of popcorn. I quickly ate the rest of it.
    â€œNot the
box
!” Marco wailed. “You don’t eat the
box
!”
    â€œIt tasted of salt and grease,” I pointed out.
    â€œOh, man. Is it time to leave yet?” Marco asked Prince Jake. “Tell me it’s time to leave.”
    The movie began. It involved humans and non-humans in uniforms. It seemed they were in some sort of spacecraft.
    â€œWhat type of ship is that?” I asked. “It looks somewhat like a Hawjabran freighter.”
    â€œThat’s the
Enterprise
,” Prince Jake said. “It’s not real. It’s just made-up.”
    â€œYes. I know,” I said. “I
do
know what a real interstellar spacecraft looks like.” Marco and Prince Jake looked at each other. Both smiled.
    I quickly became bored by the plot of the movie. For one thing, there was one character who was clearly an Ongachic female. But in the movie this creature was called a “Klingon.” It made no sense.
    However, by