CHAMPION. The choice is YOURS!”
Then she started humming “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” really loud.
I was like, JUST GREAT! Grandma is finally going SENILE! Doesn’t she understand that some things in life you’re STUCK with and powerless to change?! Jeez!
But I have to admit she has gotten pretty good at The Price Is Right . The last few times I saw her play along with the game show, she got every single price correct! It was amazing because she would have won like $549,321 in cash and prizes, including three cars, a boat, a trip for two to Niagara Falls, and a lifetime supply of Depends adult diapers.
I gave her a big hug and said, “Grandma, you have mad skillz at the Price Is Right game, and I’m really proud of you. But you should really try to get out of the house more often.”
Grandma just smiled and said her life is exciting now that she’s taking hip-hop dance lessons at the senior rec center. And her dance teacher, Krump Daddy, is “dope!”
Then she asked me if I wanted to see her “bust a move.”
She was actually pretty good for a seventy-six-year-old! Grandma’s a little WACKY, but you gotta LOVE her!
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 9
This morning the halls were plastered with colorful posters for Random Acts of Avant-Garde Art, our annual school art show.
I’m SUPER excited because the first prize for each class is $500, cash! SWEET!
That would be enough for me to buy a cell phone, a new outfit from the mall, AND art supplies.
But most important, winning that award could transform me from a “socially challenged ART DORK” to a “socially charmed ART DIVA” practically overnight!
Who would a thunk my art skillz could get me into the CCP clique?!
So I rushed down to the school office to get an entry form and was surprised to see a line had already formed.
And guess who else was there picking one up?
MacKenzie!!!!
And as usual she was blabbering nonstop: “Like, since I’m going to be a model/fashion designer/pop star, I already have a portfolio of seven very HOT fashion illustrations for my FAB-4-EVER clothing line, which I also plan to wear on my very successful world tour as the opening act for Miley Cyrus, who of course will fall head over heels in love with MY designs and buy like a million dollars’ worth. Then I’m going to enroll at a prestigious university like Harvard, Yale, or the Westchester Fashion Institute of Cosmetology, which, BTW, is owned by my aunt Clarissa!”
Okay. I’ll admit I FREAKED OUT about having to compete against MacKenzie.
She just kept staring at me with her icy blue eyes, and my stomach felt queasy and I got chill bumps.
Then, suddenly, I had an epiphany and I TOTALLY understood what my grandma meant when she said,
“You can be a CHICKEN
or a CHAMPION.
The choice is yours.”
So I gathered all my strength and determination, took a deep breath, and mustered the courage to decide right there on the spot which one I was:
A BIG FAT CHICKEN!
When the office assistant asked if I was there to pick up an entry form for the avant-garde art show, I just froze and started clucking like a hen:
Buk, buk, buk-ka-a-ah!
Then, MacKenzie laughed, like ME entering the competition was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard.
That’s when I spotted the yellow sign-up sheet forlibrary shelving assistants, also known as LSAs. Every day during study hall, a few kids get excused to go to the school library to shelve books. An LSA’s life is about as exciting as watching paint dry.
So, instead of trying to achieve my dream of winning a major art competition, I very STUPIDLY signed up to shelve DUSTY and BORING LIBRARY BOOKS!
MY FUTURE MISERABLE LIFE AS A LIBRARY SHELVING ASSISTANT
“IF I SEE ANOTHER BOOK, I’M GOING TO PUKE!”
And it’s ALL MacKenzie’s fault!!
When I reported to the library during study hall, the librarian, Mrs. Peach, gave me a tour. She