Suckers Bite Back (San Francisco Vampires #5) (Vampires of San Francisco series) Read Free

I have to put on a fake smile and pretend I’m happy.
    Sebastian and Aidan walk around me like I’m a bomb ready to off. I’m responsible for that to a certain degree. I have put the distance between us. I still can’t wrap my head around what has happened. I love them both and resent them at the same time. It’s complicated and I haven’t sorted it out yet. I’m afraid I’m going to lose them completely before I get it figured out, but I’m not going to hurt them with my indecision again like I did in the beginning.
    The water has grown cold so I lift the lever with my big toe to let the water drain. I heave myself up and out of the tub. Grabbing a towel from the towel warmer, I luxuriate in its heat. Being perpetually cold, I am like a heat seeking missile. I brush my fangsters to get the taste of vodka out of my mouth then dress in a flannel pajama set I keep on hand for really bad nights. Even Helena doesn’t know I have them.
    I think about writing everything down in my journal and find I just don’t give a fuck. That’s a first. It’s liberating. I snuggle down into the comforters and wait for Morpheus.

4 SEBASTIAN
    I peek into Lily’s room after she’s gone to sleep for the day. I know Aidan has too. It’s something I have been doing since she broke up with me. I sit and watch her sleep for a few minutes, sometimes hours, whatever I need at the time. It calms me and gives me hope. Hope that she and I still have a future someday.
    I have never seen her in anything but silk or satin. The flannel pajamas make her look young and innocent. I rub my hand over my face. Definitely not the woman who was drunk and cursing me out earlier. I know she is suffering. I wish she would share her worries with me. I used to be her confidante but I fear now I am the cause of her suffering. I can’t bear that. I sink down into the chair, defeated.
    Maybe it is time to move on. Let her have some space. She might see what she truly wants if it isn’t in front of her anymore. My heart is broken and says no to this idiotic idea but my head says it’s the next step. I know that I’m lonely and tired of having no one but Helena and Julian to talk to. Lily barely joins our conversations now. Whenever she looks at me it is with pain in her eyes. If I’m causing her this much grief I need to show her that I can exist outside of her life. Maybe that will help her sort things out and eliminate some of her guilt. It seems to be what she wants. I get up from her delicate chair and look down at her once again.
    But at what cost to me? I will die every minute away from her. I will always be there for her, no matter who she ends up with. I guess that is what love is about, being willing to sacrifice yourself. Dieu, I’m sounding maudlin. How far the player has fallen.
    I lean down and give Lily a kiss on the forehead, brushing a stray fiery-colored curl off her cheek. Inhaling her scent and then walking out her door knowing I won’t be making any more of these morning visits.
    I have the number of a French model named Nico who I might call. She slipped her card into my jacket pocket last night. She’s vain and plastic. Just the sort of woman I need right now. I want no attachments and no chance of feeling anything for her. I especially don’t plan on sleeping with her. She’ll be arm candy for a while. Nothing more.
    I retrieve her card and call.

5 LILITH
    I wake up with the faint smell of Sebastian in the room. He thinks I don’t know he comes in here and watches me sleep but he forgets that I can smell him. It’s never bothered me before but this morning I feel violated. How dare he. I made it plain last night that I didn’t want to talk or be near anyone.
    I dress in a Zoe’s Lollipop Jersey dress in burnt orange. Put on some signature black Louboutins and march down the stairs. I find everyone in the library, including a very pretty woman hanging on Sebastian’s arm.
    Andrew has just served a fresh pot of coffee and tea