Sticky Beak Read Free

‘Amanda told me how that pud got airborne tonight. She said it was cause you turned away real quick while I was singing. I didn’t think you got embarrassed any more at me having a warble in public.’
    â€˜I don’t,’ I said.
    It’s true. I did when we first came here, before people got to know Dad, because I was worried they’d think he was mental. But then one day I realised I didn’t mind any more. It was at the wedding. The wedding was the happiest day of my life, and even Dad singing ‘Chalk Up My Love In The Classroom Of Your Heart’ to Ms Dunning at the altar didn’t change that.
    â€˜So,’ Dad went on, ‘tonight’s little mishap wasn’t on account of me singing?’
    I shook my head.
    I know it wasn’t, because Dad’s sung heaps of other times since the wedding—at Ms Dunning’s birthday party and at the school fund-raising bingo night and at the dawn service on Anzac Day—and no food’s ended up in any electrical appliances on any of those occasions.
    Dad looked relieved. Then he frowned, like he does when we’re playing Trivial Pursuit and he gets a question about astronomy.
    â€˜Do you reckon there’s a possibility,’ he said, ‘that tonight’s mishap was the result of stress?’
    â€˜What stress?’ I asked.
    â€˜The stress,’ he said, ‘of you having a teacher who’s also your mum.’
    â€˜Definitely not,’ I said, almost poking his eye out with my elbow. My hand movements get a bit wild when I’m being emphatic.
    There’s no way that could be it. I love having Ms Dunning living with us and she was tops in class. The number of times she must have been tempted to tell me to pay attention or I wouldn’t get any tea, and she didn’t do it once.
    â€˜The only stress I’ve suffered this year,’ I said to Dad, ‘was when that committee in Sydney ignored my nomination of her as Australian Of The Year.’
    I was ropeable. How many nominations do they get that have been signed by thirty people? Even Darryn Peck signed after I gave him two dollars.
    Dad looked relieved again. ‘Just checking,’ he said. ‘By the way, Tonto, now she’s not your teacher any more, it’d be real good if you could call her Claire.’
    â€˜OK,’ I said, ‘I’ll try to remember.’
    Dad frowned again, but this time really hard, like when the Trivial Pursuit question’s about the digestive system of the West Australian bog leech.
    I waited for him to speak.
    I could see there was something else he wanted to ask me, but he was having trouble getting it out.
    I decided to step in before he risked his health by standing on his head or doing any of the other things he does when there’s a bit of tension in the air.
    â€˜Dad,’ I said, ‘I’m really happy you married Ms Dunning. I mean Claire. I think she’s great and I wouldn’t swap her for a prawn sandwich, not even with the crusts cut off.’
    Dad grinned and gave me a big hug.
    His hair smelt faintly of raspberry jelly.
    â€˜We’ll have to get you some new shoes,’ he said. ‘Something with decent soles that’ll grip coleslaw.’
    I didn’t say anything, I just tried to look as sleepy as I could.
    Ms Dunning came in and gave me a kiss on the cheek and when I peeked she and Dad were creeping out of the room with their arms round each other.
    They stopped in the hallway and kissed.
    I bet there aren’t many couples who still do that after a year of marriage.
    It gave me a warm feeling inside.
    But that was ages ago, and now I don’t feel warm inside or sleepy.
    I may never sleep again.
    It’s pretty hard to nod off when you’ve just chucked a dessert across a school hall and you haven’t got a clue why.

 
    Dad always reckons if you’ve got a problem, don’t just mope around, do something about