Shortie Like Mine Read Free

in motion and proceeded out the door.

2
    We ... are ... family ...
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    â€”SISTER SLEDGE, “WE ARE FAMILY”
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    M y body was buried beneath a heap of pink covers when I stretched my left arm out and slapped the snooze button on my alarm clock. I had it programmed so I would wake up to Jay-Z and Beyoncé singing “Upgrade U.” Up until last night, nobody could tell me this wasn’t me and Josiah’s jam, but since he tried to play me, “Irreplaceable” was now our song.
    I let my arm swing on the side of my twin-sized bed and drop to the floor. I needed at least five more minutes of sleep. Getting up at six o’clock in the morning was the worst, especially when I had a pain-in-the-behind ten-year-old brother called Man-Man and a sixty-year-old throwback cousin named Shake, who made it his business to scare me every morning wearing too-tight MC Hammer pants, a polyester muscle shirt, high top L.A. Gears, and a pair of DMC Gazelles.
    â€œMake it do what it do!” Cousin Shake yelled from behind our bedroom door.
    â€œFat Mama!” Man-Man pounded like 5-O. “Wake ... yo’ ... big butt ... jelly roll ... on the pole ... roach-lookin’ self up! And tell two dollar lil’ Kim to get up, too!”
    â€œToi,” I growled, turning my head toward my sister’s bed. “I’ma kill ’im.”
    â€œRetardos!” Man-Man banged again. “The special ed bus outside!”
    â€œMake it do what it do, now!” Cousin Shake said as if he were waiting for a response. “Fat Mama and Toi, is ya dead? Answer me!” He pounded. “Let Cousin Shake know if ya dead so I’ll know what to tell yo’ mama when she calls and wanna know why y’all ain’t up yet. Po’ mama, out there workin’ the graveyard shift at the phone company and y’all around here makin’ tricks of yourselves. This exactly why I don’t think ya need to be going out anyway. If it was up to me, you’d have supper by five and be in the bed by eight! You might be foolin’ ya mama, but I can see right through ya, out there gyratin’ ya’selves for a buncha ex-convicts. That’s right, I said it ex ... con ... victs. Now, get up fo’ I call the law on ya! Y’all gon’ get some education ’round here!”
    â€œIn case you didn’t know”—I snatched the door open—“I fight old people.”
    â€œAnytime, anyplace, lil’ girl, ’cause the day you hit me is the day I’m gon’ teach you what rock and roll is all about. Now, get ready for school, fo’ Cousin Shake have to handle you.”
    â€œCalm down, Cousin Shake.” Man-Man had a smug look on his face. “You ain’t got to deal with this. I’m just gon’ tell Mommy on ’em!”
    All I could do was roll my eyes and slam the door in their face. “Toi, I swear I can’t stand them. Why did Cousin Shake have to come here to live after his wife died? God, he gets on my nerves!”
    I started rummaging through my closet for something to wear. “Toi!” I called, realizing she didn’t answer me. “Toi!!” Still no answer. As I walked over to her bed, I heard a knock at my bedroom window. I pulled the curtains back and there she was, gawkin’ at me with a cheesy smile about a mile wide. “You ... must be ... stupid!” I opened the window to let her in. “Mommy told you the next time she even hears about you sneaking in through the window, she was gon’ put bars on it, and I’m sorry sistah girl, but I’m not tryna be in jail.”
    â€œNobody said you had to be in jail.” She fell from the window to the floor. “All in my business!”
    â€œAh un rudeness.” I couldn’t believe this. “Are those words I hear comin’ out the side of yo’ neck?! ’Cause I swear on all the love I have for Bow