Shark Infested Custard Read Free

said.
           "I don't get it," Don said. "What's so hard about picking up a woman at a drive-in, for Christ's sake? Guys take women to drive-ins all the time—"
           "That's right," Hank said. "They 'take'' them there, and they pay their way in. So what're you going to do? Start talking to some woman while she's in her boyfriend's car, while he's got one arm around her neck and his left hand on her snatch?"
           Eddie laughed. "Yeah! Don't do it, Don. The guy might have a gun in his glove compartment."
           "I guess I wasn't thinking," Don said.
           I thought about the idea for a moment. "I've only been to a drive-in by myself two or three times in my whole life," I said. "It's a place you don't go alone, usually, unless you want to catch a flick you've missed. The last time I went alone was to see 'Two Lane Blacktop''. I read the script when it came out in 'Esquire'', and I really wanted to see the movie."
           "I saw that," Eddie said. "Except for Warren Oates in the GTO, none of the other people in the movie could act."
           "That isn't the point, Eddie," I said. "I didn't think the movie was so hot either, although the script was good. The point I'm trying to make is that the only reason I went to the drive-in was to see 'Two Lane Blacktop'', and it didn't come on until one-oh-five a.m. Where're you going to find anyone to go to the drive-in with you at one in the morning? And when I didn't like the movie either, I wanted to kick myself in the ass."
           "I don't think I've ever been to a drive-in alone," Don said. "Not that I remember, anyway."
           "Well, I have," Hank said, "just like Larry. Some movies only play drive-ins, and if you don't catch them there you'll miss them altogether."
           "I've been a few times, I guess," Eddie said, "and you'll always see a few guys sitting alone in their cars. But I've never seen a woman alone in a car at a drive-in, unless her boyfriend was getting something at the snack bar."
           "Let me tick it off," Hank said. "First, if a woman's there, she's either with her parents, her husband, or her boyfriend. Second, no woman ever goes to a drive-in alone. They're afraid to, for some reason, even though a drive-in movie's safer than any place I know for a woman alone. Because, third, a man would be stupid to look for a broad at a drive-in when there're a thousand better places to pick one up."
           "That's the toughest place, all right," I said. "It's impossible to pick up a woman at a drive-in."
           Hank laughed. "No, it isn't impossible, Larry. It's hard, but it's not impossible."
           "I say it's impossible," I repeated.
           "Better than that," Eddie said, "I'm willing to bet ten bucks it's impossible."
           Hank, shaking his head, laughed. "Ten isn't enough."
           "Add another ten from me," I said.
           "I'll make it thirty," Don said.
           "You guys aren't serious," Hank said.
           "If you don't think thirty bucks is serious enough," Eddie said, "I'll raise my ten to twenty."
           "Add another ten," I said.
           "And mine," Don said.
           "Sixty dollars is fairly serious money," Hank said. "That's twice as much dough as I'd win from you guys shooting pool at the White Shark."
           "Bullshit," Eddie said. "We've offered to bet you sixty hard ones that you can't pick up a broad at the drive-in. And we pick the drive-in."
           "You guys really love me, don't you?" Hank said, getting to his feet and rotating his meaty shoulders.
           "Sure we love you, Hank," I said. "We're trying to add to your income. But you don't have to take the bet. All you have to do is agree with us that it's impossible, that's all."
           "What's my time limit, Eddie?" Hank said.
           "An hour, let's say," Eddie said.
           "An hour? Movies last at least