her a coupla sleeping pills. He wud also pick up some dollies fo himself cuz Saturday was kicking time fo him. As he went out the door he turned and sed,
Lady, you some lady. I’m a lucky M.F.
to have found you.
She watched him from the window and the sun hit the gold of his dashiki and made it bleed yellow raindrops.
She must have dozed. She knew it wuz late. It was dark outside. The room was dark also and she wondered if he had come in and gone upstairs where the children were napping. What a long nap the boys were taking. They wud be up all nite tonite if they didn’t wake up soon. Maybe she shud wake them up, but she decided against it. Her body wuz still tired and she heard footsteps on the porch.
His voice was light and cracked a little as he explained his delay. He wuz high. She knew it. He sounded like he sounded on the phone when he called her late in the nite from some loud place and complimented her fo understanding his late hours. She hadn’t understood them, she just hated to be a complaining bitch. He had no sleeping pills, but he had gotten her something as good. A morphine tablet. She watched his face as he explained that she cud swallow it or pop it into the skin. He sed it worked better if you stuck it in yo/arm. As he took the tablet out of the cellophane paper of his cigarettes, she closed her eyes and fo a moment, she thot she heard someone crying outside the house. She opened her eyes.
His body hung loose as he knelt by the couch. He took from his pocket a manila envelope. It had little spots of blood on it and as he undid the rubber hands, she saw two needles, a black top wid two pieces of dirty, wite cotton balls in it. She knew this wuz what he used to git high wid.
I-I-I-I-I don-don-don-don’t wa-wa-want none o-o-o-of that stuff, ma-a-a-a-a-n. Ain’t th-th-th-that do-do-do-dope, too? I-I-I-I-I just just just just wa-wa-wa-nnnt-ted to sleep. I’m o-o-o-kay now.
She picked up her notebook and pen and started to write again.
I slept while you wuz gone, man. I drifted on off as I looked for you to walk up the steps. I don’t want that stuff. Give me a cold beer though, if there’s any in the house. I’ll drink that. But no stuff man, she wrote. I’m yo/woman. You shudn’t be giving me any of that stuff. Throw the pill away. We don’t need it. You don’t need it any mo. You gon kick and we gon move on. Keep on being baddDDD togetha. I’ll help you, man, cuz I know you want to kick. Flush it down the toilet! You’ll start kicking tomorrow and I’ll get a babysitter and take us fo a long drive in the country and we’ll move on the grass and make it move wid us, cuz we’ll be full of living/alive/thots and we’ll stop and make love in the middle of nowhere, and the grass will stop its wintry/brown/chants and become green as our Black bodies sing. Heave. Love each other. Throw that stuff away, man, cuz we got more important/beautiful/things to do.
As he read the note his eyes looked at hers in a half/clear/way and he got up and walked slowly to the john. She heard the toilet flushing and she heard the refrigerator door open and close. He brought two cold beers and, as she opened hers, she sat up to watch him rock back and forth in the rocking chair. And his eyes became small and sad as he sed, half jokingly,
Hope I don’t regret throwing that stuff in the toilet,
and he leaned back and smiled sadly as he drank his beer. She turned the beer can up to her lips and let the cold evening foam wet her mouth and drown the gathering stutters of her mind.
The sound of cries from the second floor made her move. As she climbed the stairs she waved to him. But his eyes were still closed. He wuz somewhere else, not in this house she thot. He wuz somewhere else, floating among past dreams she had never seen or heard him talk about. As she climbed the stairs, the boys’ screams grew louder.
Wow. Them boys got some strong lungs,
she thot. And smiled.
It wuz 11:30 and she had just put the boys in
Lady, you some lady. I’m a lucky M.F.
to have found you.
She watched him from the window and the sun hit the gold of his dashiki and made it bleed yellow raindrops.
She must have dozed. She knew it wuz late. It was dark outside. The room was dark also and she wondered if he had come in and gone upstairs where the children were napping. What a long nap the boys were taking. They wud be up all nite tonite if they didn’t wake up soon. Maybe she shud wake them up, but she decided against it. Her body wuz still tired and she heard footsteps on the porch.
His voice was light and cracked a little as he explained his delay. He wuz high. She knew it. He sounded like he sounded on the phone when he called her late in the nite from some loud place and complimented her fo understanding his late hours. She hadn’t understood them, she just hated to be a complaining bitch. He had no sleeping pills, but he had gotten her something as good. A morphine tablet. She watched his face as he explained that she cud swallow it or pop it into the skin. He sed it worked better if you stuck it in yo/arm. As he took the tablet out of the cellophane paper of his cigarettes, she closed her eyes and fo a moment, she thot she heard someone crying outside the house. She opened her eyes.
His body hung loose as he knelt by the couch. He took from his pocket a manila envelope. It had little spots of blood on it and as he undid the rubber hands, she saw two needles, a black top wid two pieces of dirty, wite cotton balls in it. She knew this wuz what he used to git high wid.
I-I-I-I-I don-don-don-don’t wa-wa-want none o-o-o-of that stuff, ma-a-a-a-a-n. Ain’t th-th-th-that do-do-do-dope, too? I-I-I-I-I just just just just wa-wa-wa-nnnt-ted to sleep. I’m o-o-o-kay now.
She picked up her notebook and pen and started to write again.
I slept while you wuz gone, man. I drifted on off as I looked for you to walk up the steps. I don’t want that stuff. Give me a cold beer though, if there’s any in the house. I’ll drink that. But no stuff man, she wrote. I’m yo/woman. You shudn’t be giving me any of that stuff. Throw the pill away. We don’t need it. You don’t need it any mo. You gon kick and we gon move on. Keep on being baddDDD togetha. I’ll help you, man, cuz I know you want to kick. Flush it down the toilet! You’ll start kicking tomorrow and I’ll get a babysitter and take us fo a long drive in the country and we’ll move on the grass and make it move wid us, cuz we’ll be full of living/alive/thots and we’ll stop and make love in the middle of nowhere, and the grass will stop its wintry/brown/chants and become green as our Black bodies sing. Heave. Love each other. Throw that stuff away, man, cuz we got more important/beautiful/things to do.
As he read the note his eyes looked at hers in a half/clear/way and he got up and walked slowly to the john. She heard the toilet flushing and she heard the refrigerator door open and close. He brought two cold beers and, as she opened hers, she sat up to watch him rock back and forth in the rocking chair. And his eyes became small and sad as he sed, half jokingly,
Hope I don’t regret throwing that stuff in the toilet,
and he leaned back and smiled sadly as he drank his beer. She turned the beer can up to her lips and let the cold evening foam wet her mouth and drown the gathering stutters of her mind.
The sound of cries from the second floor made her move. As she climbed the stairs she waved to him. But his eyes were still closed. He wuz somewhere else, not in this house she thot. He wuz somewhere else, floating among past dreams she had never seen or heard him talk about. As she climbed the stairs, the boys’ screams grew louder.
Wow. Them boys got some strong lungs,
she thot. And smiled.
It wuz 11:30 and she had just put the boys in
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