Sex and Other Changes

Sex and Other Changes Read Free Page B

Book: Sex and Other Changes Read Free
Author: David Nobbs
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Marge.
    â€˜He never is at home,’ said Nick. ‘He’s a womaniser. He kept calling and trying to do odd jobs when Dad was at sea. He used to bring his tool box. It was enormous.’
    â€˜Did he get anywhere?’ asked Bernie.
    â€˜Now then, Bernie,’ warned Marge.
    â€˜With his tool box,’ said Bernie. ‘I’m talking about his tool box.’
    â€˜Nowhere,’ said Nick. ‘He mended a few fuses, but it’d be easier to get into Fort Knox than into my mum.’ He blushed scarlet. ‘Oh hell,’ he said. ‘I didn’t mean … that wasn’t … I … Oh Mum! I’m sorry.’
    Marge leant across and kissed him, warmly, left her cheek on his for a moment. He was astounded. Nobody in his family had ever kissed him as warmly as that.
    â€˜I must go and see if those girls are all right,’ she said.
    Marge put her head round the door of the Ladies’ and saw her two daughters standing at the washbasins and chatting and laughing like … like loving sisters.
    â€˜Come in, Mum,’ said Alison. ‘We were chatting about the hotels in Cyprus and that awful dirty old man on the beach.’
    Marge entered. How typically British, she thought. We sit in silence on trains till three minutes before the terminus, when we begin to speak and discover that all the people we’ve been avoiding are extremely interesting. Alison and Jen had begun totalk properly for the first time two hours before Alison went off to lead a new life.
    â€˜It’s nice in here,’ said Marge.
    â€˜Go and tell the boys to come and join us, Jen,’ said Alison.
    While Marge was out of the room, Bernie approached Prentice.
    â€˜Why did you do it?’ he asked.
    â€˜Joke,’ explained Prentice. ‘I’m training to be a comedian.’
    â€˜It wasn’t funny,’ said Bernie.
    â€˜No, I’m quite pleased about that, actually. A comedian has to overcome his fear of failure. I’m quite pleased with how I handled myself.’
    â€˜Not a thought for Nick’s feelings, then.’
    â€˜We can’t afford to consider the feelings of our audience. We’re lost if we do.’
    â€˜Well, I thought it was very offensive, Prentice.’
    â€˜Probably. But then we’re here to expand our boundaries.’
    â€˜I’d have expanded your boundaries if there hadn’t been ladies present. I’d have punched you in the face if this wasn’t a three-star RAC hotel.’
    â€˜Well, good, I got a reaction, then. It’s indifference I dread,’ said Prentice complacently.
    Alison approached her mother and led her over to the window, which afforded a view over the railway line and the signalbox to the messy canal and river beyond. An Inter-City train was pulling out towards Sheffield.
    â€˜Mum,’ she said. ‘We don’t want you to feel any of that losing a daughter nonsense. Our home will be your home always.’
    â€˜That’s very nice of you, Alison,’ said Marge, ‘but you’ve got to put Nick first now, you know.’
    â€˜I’ve discussed it with Nick. He’s in complete agreement.’
    â€˜Oh, it’s been passed
nem. con
., has it? That’s nice.’
    â€˜What?’
    â€˜You sound like a management committee, not a young couple. It’s very nice of you, but it’s your wedding day, and you’re emotional. Don’t make rash promises.’
    When Alison had moved off, Bernie sidled over to Marge. He touched her bottom briefly, put his arm round her waist, and looked out at the fading day.
    â€˜Well?’ he said.
    â€˜What do you mean – “Well”? Well what?’
    â€˜Well, do you think it’s gone well?’
    â€˜Well there’ve been almost more tears than at the funeral, but, weddings, that’s par for the course.’
    â€˜It’s all so quick.’
    â€˜Oh, I know. They’re so

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