Secrets Read Free

Pamela would try to cross the road alone. It was an accident. Don’t blame her, she’s only a child herself, and she’s in shock.’
    Adele remained standing by the door, too stunned and stricken even to find a seat. She felt she had no business to be there, like a neighbour who’d come in to borrow some sugar and wouldn’t leave.
    This feeling grew even stronger as the two policemen tried to comfort her parents, calling them Rose and Jim as if they had known them a long time. PC Mitchell made a pot of tea and poured it; the sergeant picked up a photo of Pamela from the mantelpiece and remarked what a pretty girl she was. Her father cuddled her mother to him and both policemen tutted in sympathy as they were told how clever Pamela was.
    But no one turned to Adele, not after the sergeant had given her a cup of tea. It was as though she’d become invisible to everyone.
    Maybe she only stood there for five or ten minutes, but it seemed like for ever. It felt as though she was watching a play and was hidden from the actors’ view by the spotlights. She could see, hear and feel their shock and grief, but they were completely oblivious to her pain.
    She so much wanted someone to hold her in their arms, to tell her it was not her fault and that Pamela had been told dozens of times that she was never to cross Euston Road alone.
    After a bit Adele sat down on a small stool by the door and put her head on her knees. The adults all had their backs to her, and even though she knew this was mostly because of how the chairs were arranged, it felt deliberate. While Adele could agree wholeheartedly with everything that was said about her sister, how she was liked by everyone, top of the class, a sunny little girl who had special qualities, it seemed to her that her parents were pointing out that her elder sister was just the opposite, and it was unjust that she should be the one they were left with.
    The talking and crying went on and on, round and round. Rose would get hysterical, then calm herself to relate yet another instance when Pamela was extra special, then Jim would butt in with his views. And in between her parents’ voices there were the two policemen’s calm, measured tones. Young and inexperienced as Adele was, she could sense their skill at dealing with grief, maintaining just the right amount of interest, care and sympathy, yet gradually trying to bring the couple to the point where they would accept their daughter was dead.
    While she was touched they had enough compassion to do this, a small part of her very much wished she dared point out to them that Jim Talbot’s favourite words to both his daughters had always been ‘Shut up, can’t you.’ That he was the one who was supposed to collect Pamela, and forgot. She also wondered if the policemen would be as sympathetic to Rose if they knew she was mostly too morose to get out of bed in the mornings. Adele had always given Pamela her breakfast and taken her to school.
    ‘Would you like us to take you to see Pamela?’ the sergeant asked some time later. Rose was still crying helplessly, but not in the hysterical way she had been earlier. ‘She has to be formally identified, and it might help you to see that she died instantly and that there are no visible injuries.’
    Adele had remained silently on her stool all this time, lost in her misery, but when she heard that question she came to with a jolt. ‘Can I come too?’ she asked impulsively.
    All four adult faces turned to her. Both policemen looked merely surprised, they had clearly forgotten she was still in the room. But her parents looked affronted at Adele’s request.
    ‘Why, you little ghoul,’ her mother exploded, getting up as if to strike her. ‘It isn’t a freak show. Our baby is dead because of you.’
    ‘Now, now, Rose,’ the sergeant said, moving between mother and daughter. ‘Adele didn’t mean it like that, I’m sure. She’s upset too.’
    Sergeant Mike Cotton wished he was anywhere