Rush Read Free Page B

we lay in this same bed the same way.
    Neither of us talk, but Brandon leans down, rests his cheek on the top of my head . . . and exhales. “I had surgery on my heart . . .”
    I wince. “I know.”
    “Eighty percent of the people who have torn artery on their heart die before they make it to the hospital. They bleed so fast . . .”
    I didn’t know that. But I don’t tell him, knowing he just needs to talk.
    “Did they tell you it was an artery that brings blood to the heart? I was bleeding inside. It was close . . . I could have . . .”
    “You’re here.”
We’re here.
    “I’m so fucking tired.” His voice cracks. I want nothing more than to fix it.
    “Go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” I can’t stop myself from waiting for it—waiting for Brandon to say he can’t. Or ask me to get up, or do what they said he did with everyone else and tell me he doesn’t want to see me.
    But he doesn’t.
    Brandon’s . . . quiet, and I’m too afraid to even move. Soon, his breathing evens out and I know he did what I asked. A stupid part of me wishes I’m what he was waiting for since the injury happened. It feels good believing I can calm his storm.
    And makes it even shittier that despite it all, he still walked away.

Chapter Two
Brandon
    “Do you think what we do is wrong? Seriously, I mean. People say so much shit. It has to come from somewhere, right?” I sit next to Alec, in the woods. It’s one of the few times we’ve been able to sneak away this summer. All through the rest of last year I swore I wouldn’t do this when I saw him. Last summer, I was with Charlie’s sister, Sadie. That made it easier. Hell, we were just friends anyway. Fucking sixteen and fifteen years old.
    But I knew he made me feel different. I knew Alec looked at me differently too.
    “I don’t know,” Alec finally answers. We’re sitting so close, our legs touch. I want to reach over and grab his hand. If it was Sadie, I’d do it without thinking.
    “And we’re not really doing anything yet,” Alec laughs. He’s like that. He’s good at being the center of attention and making people forget the bad shit.
    “But we want to . . .” I whisper, surprised I do.
    His head snaps toward me. His bright blue eyes, trying to see through me, I think.
    “I mean, you said . . . when we talked. You do want to, right?” I hate that I sound like such a pussy. I’m older than him. I shouldn’t sound like I need to hear his answer so much, but then, if he feels the same, it’s not just me. If there’s something wrong with us, at least we’re wrong together.
    “You know I do. And I changed my mind about my answer. No, there’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing.”
    I exhale a deep breath at his words. It’s stupid. I know it’s not really wrong. Gay people are getting married and things are changing, but seeing it and having it be me are two different things. Plus—I pick up my football—I can’t have both. Things might be changing, but not on that field.
    He’s so fucking gay.
    Stop being such a fag.
    I couldn’t share a locker room with a queer.
    Comments. Words people say without thinking. None of them directed at me, but I still hear the words. Maybe more than anyone else.
    “Even if other people don’t get it, it’s not wrong. Especially since they don’t know.” Alec pushes to his feet, holding out his hand for the football. “Let’s play. One day when you’re in the NFL, I’ll be able to say I used to play ball with you.”
    Standing, I smile, somehow feeling lighter. He does that to me.
    “You won’t have to say it, because everyone will know . . . even if we don’t, you know . . . we’ll still be friends. Maybe you’ll be playing with me and it’ll be on ESPN—our story. Best friends who spent every summer together and then went to play in the NFL together.”
    The smile slips off Alec’s lips and I wonder if I said something wrong. Without thinking, I reach up,