Revenge of the Spellmans Read Free Page A

Henry replied to my sister at a volume I did not know his voice was capable of.
    “Total waste of money,” Rae replied.
    Henry finished his second drink, stood up in a huff, and said in his most threatening tone, “Mark my words, Rae: This isn’t over.” Henry nodded a silent good-bye to me and left the bar.
    Rae nervously folded her cocktail napkin in quarters, then eighths, and attempted sixteenths. Her defiance softened and worry lines crinkled her smooth brow.
    “He’s really angry, Rae.”
    “I know,” she replied.
    “I’ve met Maggie. She seems nice. What do you have against her?”
    “Nothing,” Rae said. “It’s just that if somebody doesn’t do something about it, he’s going to marry her.”
    Saturday
1400 hrs
    A lawyer walked into the bar. Sorry, there’s no joke here. It was my brother, David, 13 sporting three-day-old stubble and casual attire—cargopants, sneakers, and a GUINNESS IS GOOD FOR YOU T-shirt, which I’m almost positive was mine. My point is, David’s ensemble was in direct conflict with his usual dress code. It was as if he were wearing a costume for someone planning a day at the park. Instead of ordering what was advertised on his shirt, David asked for a Bloody Mary, just to make me work. I added extra Tabasco and pepper, just to make him suffer.
    “What are you doing drinking on a Saturday afternoon?”
    “My vacation starts today.”
    “Some vacation,” I replied, scanning the surroundings for emphasis.
    “I leave for Europe on Monday.”
    “For how long?”
    “Four weeks.”
    “Nobody tells me anything,” I said.
    “It’s a last-minute thing,” David replied.
    “You traveling alone?” I asked.
    “No,” David said in a way that indicated the discussion was over. I, of course, did not agree to the inexplicit request.
    “So, who are you traveling with?”
    Familiar with my questioning tactics, David stayed his course. “I was thinking I should have someone watch my place while I’m gone, and since you live in a dump, 14 I figured I wouldn’t have to pay you.”
    “Not that you couldn’t afford to.”
    My brother handed me an envelope, leaned across the bar, and kissed me on the cheek. “The key and instructions are in there. I leave for the airport around ten A . M . on Monday. Don’t enter the premises until at least ten thirty, in case I’m running late. I will return exactly four weeks later in the afternoon, so make yourself scarce by noon of the third Monday from this Monday. Got it?”
    “Don’t you want me to hang around so you can bore me with all your travel photos?”
    “Not really,” David replied. “Now, behave while I’m gone,” he said, raising a stern eyebrow. Then he left.
    I cracked the envelope the second David exited the bar. As promised, it contained a key and a typewritten sheet of paper.
    RULES FOR ISABEL WHILE STAYING IN MY HOME
    Do…
Take in the mail every day.
Take out the trash when the bag is full. Put garbage bins on the sidewalk Thursday evening.
Reduce, reuse, and recycle. Try to make this world a better place.
Sleep in the guest room.
Sophia cleans on Tuesday. Tidy up before she comes.
Water all indoor plants. There are instructions next to each plant.
    Do NOT…
Mess with the sprinkler system. It’s on a timer.
Add porn sites to the Favorites list on my computer.
Use my electric toothbrush. I don’t care if you buy a new head.
Throw any parties.
Sleep in my bed.
Move any furniture.
Drink any of the following booze 15 :
J. Walker Black Label
Glenlivet 18 Year
Grey Goose Vodka
Rémy Martin VSOP
    After I recovered from the insult of the list, I phoned David to clarify a few matters.
    “Did you forget to include your itinerary?” I asked.
    “No,” David replied. “I’m not sure where I’ll be.”
    “How will I reach you if there’s an emergency?”
    “Just call my cell phone.”
    I hung up the phone without any more answers than when I started. There was only one thing I could say for certain: David was