Regeneration Read Free Page B

“rigged”, what did you mean?’
    ‘I meant the decision to send me here, or or somewhere similar, had been taken before I went in.’
    ‘And this had all been fixed by Captain Graves?’
    ‘Yes.’ Sassoon leant forward. ‘The point is they weren’t going to court-martial me. They were just going to lock me up somewhere…’ He looked round the room. ‘Worse than this.’
    Rivers smiled. ‘There are worse places, believe me.’
    ‘I’m sure there are,’ Sassoon said politely.
    ‘They were going to certify you, in fact?’
    ‘I suppose so.’
    ‘Did anybody on the Board say anything to you about this?’
    ‘No, because it was –’
    ‘All fixed beforehand. Yes, I see.’
    Sassoon said, ‘May I ask you a question?’
    ‘Go ahead’
    ‘Do you think I’m mad?’
    ‘No, of course you’re not mad. Did you think you were going mad?’
    ‘It crossed my mind. You know when you’re brought face to face with the fact that, yes, you did see corpses on the pavement…’
    ‘Hallucinations in the half-waking state are surprisingly common, you know. They’re not the same thing as psychotic hallucinations. Children have them quite frequently.’
    Sassoon had started pulling at a loose thread on the breast of his tunic. Rivers watched him for a while. ‘You must’ve been in agony when you did that.’
    Sassoon lowered his hand. ‘No-o. Agony’s lying in a shell-hole with your legs shot off. I was upset. ’ For a moment he looked almost hostile, then he relaxed. ‘It was a futile gesture. I’m not particularly proud of it.’
    ‘You threw it in the Mersey, didn’t you?’
    ‘Yes. It wasn’t heavy enough to sink, so it just’ – a glint of amusement – ‘bobbed around. There was a ship sailing past, quite a long way out, in the estuary, and I looked at this little scrap of ribbon floating and I looked at the ship, and I thought that me trying to stop the war was a bit like trying to stop the ship would have been. You know, all they’d’ve seen from the deck was this little figure jumping up and down, waving its arms, and they wouldn’t’ve known what on earth it was getting so excited about.’
    ‘So you realized then that it was futile?’
    Sassoon lifted his head. ‘It still had to be done. You can’t just acquiesce.’
    Rivers hesitated. ‘Look, I think we’ve… we’ve got about as far as we can get today. You must be very tired.’ He stood up. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow morning at ten. Oh, and could you ask Captain Graves to see me as soon as he arrives?’
    Sassoon stood up. ‘You said a bit back you didn’t think I was mad.’
    ‘I’m quite sure you’re not. As a matter of fact I don’t even think you’ve got a war neurosis.’
    Sassoon digested this. ‘What have I got, then?’
    ‘You seem to have a very powerful anti -war neurosis.’
    They looked at each other and laughed. Rivers said, ‘You realize, don’t you, that it’s my duty to… to try to change that? I can’t pretend to be neutral.’
    Sassoon’s glance took in both their uniforms. ‘No, of course not.’
    ∗
    Rivers made a point of sitting next to Bryce at dinner.
    ‘Well,’ Bryce said, ‘what did you make of him?’
    ‘I can’t find anything wrong. He doesn’t show any sign of depression, he’s not excited—’
    ‘Physically?’
    ‘Nothing.’
    ‘Perhaps he just doesn’t want to be killed.’
    ‘Oh, I think he’d be most insulted if you suggested that. To be fair, he did have a job lined up in Cambridge, training cadets – so it isn’t a question of avoiding being sent back. He could’ve taken that if he’d wanted to save his skin.’
    ‘Any trace of… er… religious enthusiasm?’
    ‘No, I’m afraid not. I was hoping for that too.’
    They looked at each other, amused. ‘You know, the curious thing is I don’t think he’s even a pacifist? It seems to be entirely a matter of of horror at the extent of the slaughter, combined with a feeling of anger that the government won’t