Promise You Won't Tell? Read Free

said.
    “About what?”
    “She keeps telling him to fuck her.”
    “So?”
    “What does she think he’s doing , if not fucking her? I mean, what did she think he’d say, No, I’m just going to keep doing this for a while, and maybe I’ll fuck you later?”
    Ben said, “Jeez, Dani, it’s porn, not Fellini.”
    “What’s Fellini?” I said.
    Poor Ben. I never really loved him, but we made a pretty good life together. Until I was accused of murdering him. As it turned out, someone else murdered him. But that didn’t have a positive impact on our relationship, either.
    “What if I get you a video of them having intercourse?” I ask Jana.
    “How would you do that?”
    “I have people.”
    “Your partners?”
    “Highly skilled, highly trained, highly connected.”
    “How long will that take?”
    “We’ll have to wait for the next motel visit. Are you prepared to pay our daily fee till that happens?”
    “Can I get some sort of discount?”
    “No. But after the fourth week—”
    “It’s free?”
    “Exactly.”

“Did you get her check cashed?”
    “Yes,” Dillon says, and hands me a stack of fifties. I peel five from the pile and put them in his sticky hand.
    “You’ve got to stop eating those Sugar Smacks. They make your hands sticky.”
    “That’s not from the Sugar Smacks.”
    “ Omigod !” I say, jumping back, staring at his hands as if they held live snakes.
    “What’s wrong?” he says. A devilish look crosses his face, and he suddenly becomes the boy you always tried to avoid on the playground at recess. He makes his hands into claws, holds them up, and comes at me.
    I back up. “ Omigod ! Don’t even !”
    He stops, confused.
    “That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard!” I say.
    “What’re you talking about?” he says, staring at his sticky hands. Then his face turns red. “Oh, shit. You don’t actually think—”
    I shake my head. “Let’s drop it. I don’t want to know.”
    “I can explain.”
    “Trust me. I don’t want to hear!”
    “It’s paste.”
    “I don’t care what you call it. You can’t just go around doing that!”
    “Jesus, Dani. Seriously, it’s paste. We use it to seal the envelopes, remember?”
    “Not really.”
    “Remember last month when we ordered ten thousand envelopes in bulk and they showed up with no glue on the flaps?”
    “Vaguely.”
    “I called the company to complain and they said glue costs extra, and requires an extra step during the ordering process?”
    It’s all coming back to me like a bad dream. “I thought you sent them back for a refund.”
    “They refused them, and shipped them back. And charged us extra shipping. And a processing fee.”
    “Why did we deal with this ridiculous company in the first place?”
    “They gave me a great price.”
    I frown.
    Dillon says, “It’s not a big deal. I only mail a hundred lead letters a day.”
    “Are you listening to yourself?”
    “What?”
    “You’re a computer genius, Dillon. A genius ! Which is why I made you a full partner in the business.”
    “I know. And I’m very grateful. I’ve got a car now, an apartment, and—”
    “And you’re pasting envelopes.”
    “So?”
    “That’s Fanny’s job.”
    “Fanny’s sick.”
    I frown. “How long have we had this office?”
    “About a month.”
    “In all that time, why haven’t I met Fanny?”
    “She’s been ill.”
    “Have you, in fact, ever met Fanny in person?”
    “Yes, of course. We talk all the time.”
    “You speak to her.”
    “Yes.”
    “She speaks back.”
    “Of course.”
    “You’re referring to actual words.”
    “Yes.”
    “Spoken by a human voice? Not texted or simulated?”
    He nods.
    “How did you happen to find Fanny in the first place?”
    “She was working for one of our vendors.”
    “Which one?”
    “The envelope company.”
    “The same envelope company that sold us ten thousand envelopes with no glue?”
    He nods.
    “Let me guess. Big boobs?”
    He