was the one thing that kept me going. Him and the idea of discovering who the sad man was. I was positive it was the Ethan my mind wouldn’t forget. The man my heart ached for, and the man I missed.
Danny put me through the ringer that day. I was tired and sore. All I wanted to do was climb into bed and hopefully dream more of stargazing. But Danny had other plans. He took me on a leisurely walk around the hospital. He said it was doctor’s orders. I wasn’t dumb. It was Danny’s orders. He was a great guy and went out of his way to do little things for me. Like sneaking me chocolate ice cream, moving me into a bigger room so I would have more space, and most importantly, arranging for me to have an ultrasound of my little bundle of joy for my birthday.
That was how I found myself laying on a table with my feet firmly placed in a pair of stirrups. I closed my eyes, wanting to find Baby E’s daddy. He should have been there. At the very least, I should have let Danny stay. As I was about to see Little E, I found myself as I often did, alone.
“Smile, this is a good thing,” the ultrasound tech said. “To get the most accurate data, I will need to do a transvaginal ultrasound. Other than this cold gel,” she said as she squirted a blob of gel on a long metal wand, “and a little pressure, it will not hurt a bit.”
I watched the small screen in amazement as black and white lines formed over the screen. A small little peanut-shaped baby came into focus. I reached up to run my finger across the screen as the room was filled with the most wonderful sound: the fast and loud thumping of my baby’s heartbeat.
“Strong little thing . . . look it’s already sucking its thumb.” She pointed out its little hand squashed to its cute little face. “You’re dating at fifteen weeks already. You are due August tenth. Looks like your conception date was November 17.”
I stared transfixed at the little miracle of mine floating across the screen. The tears rolled and I didn’t care. God was giving me a family, and I would do everything in my power to let that little angel know how loved it was.
“I can tell what it is.”
“You can?”
“Yeah, it’s early, but the little miracle is not very shy.”
“Can you write it down somewhere and seal it in an envelope?” I was not ready to learn the sex. I wanted to keep one part of my pregnancy to share with the father of the baby. When I finally found him?
“Yeah, no problem. Turn your head, I’ll print out a picture giving you a clear shot,” the tech said as she pulled the wand from inside me.
I turned my head and sealed my eyes shut. “Little E, are you an Elizabeth or an Ethan?” I immediately missed the sound of my baby’s beating heart. The nurse pulled my gown down and grabbed my hand to help me sit up. The tech handed me a printout of four pictures of my Little E and an envelope with a big question mark on the outside.
“You might bleed a little tonight after this procedure, but other than that, if you have any problems, tell your nurse.”
I nodded, still stunned as I looked at my miracle on the black and white print outs.
“Get dressed, and good luck, sweetie.”
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Ethan
I let my duffle bag fall to the floor with a plop. I was relieved to have the weekend over with. It was great catching up with Brandon. It had been hard on him and dad. It was their first time we were all together without Jamie. Even though Jamie was a hard one to love, those two loved him fiercely. Brandon had seemed like he was working through his resentment toward me over Jamie’s death. I didn’t know how much he knew about Dylan and my relationship, but since it was over, I hadn’t brought it up to him. I was shocked that my uncle encouraged me to rekindle my relationship with her. To be honest, I wanted to hit him, hard. If he hadn’t demanded she die for his sins, I might still
Danny put me through the ringer that day. I was tired and sore. All I wanted to do was climb into bed and hopefully dream more of stargazing. But Danny had other plans. He took me on a leisurely walk around the hospital. He said it was doctor’s orders. I wasn’t dumb. It was Danny’s orders. He was a great guy and went out of his way to do little things for me. Like sneaking me chocolate ice cream, moving me into a bigger room so I would have more space, and most importantly, arranging for me to have an ultrasound of my little bundle of joy for my birthday.
That was how I found myself laying on a table with my feet firmly placed in a pair of stirrups. I closed my eyes, wanting to find Baby E’s daddy. He should have been there. At the very least, I should have let Danny stay. As I was about to see Little E, I found myself as I often did, alone.
“Smile, this is a good thing,” the ultrasound tech said. “To get the most accurate data, I will need to do a transvaginal ultrasound. Other than this cold gel,” she said as she squirted a blob of gel on a long metal wand, “and a little pressure, it will not hurt a bit.”
I watched the small screen in amazement as black and white lines formed over the screen. A small little peanut-shaped baby came into focus. I reached up to run my finger across the screen as the room was filled with the most wonderful sound: the fast and loud thumping of my baby’s heartbeat.
“Strong little thing . . . look it’s already sucking its thumb.” She pointed out its little hand squashed to its cute little face. “You’re dating at fifteen weeks already. You are due August tenth. Looks like your conception date was November 17.”
I stared transfixed at the little miracle of mine floating across the screen. The tears rolled and I didn’t care. God was giving me a family, and I would do everything in my power to let that little angel know how loved it was.
“I can tell what it is.”
“You can?”
“Yeah, it’s early, but the little miracle is not very shy.”
“Can you write it down somewhere and seal it in an envelope?” I was not ready to learn the sex. I wanted to keep one part of my pregnancy to share with the father of the baby. When I finally found him?
“Yeah, no problem. Turn your head, I’ll print out a picture giving you a clear shot,” the tech said as she pulled the wand from inside me.
I turned my head and sealed my eyes shut. “Little E, are you an Elizabeth or an Ethan?” I immediately missed the sound of my baby’s beating heart. The nurse pulled my gown down and grabbed my hand to help me sit up. The tech handed me a printout of four pictures of my Little E and an envelope with a big question mark on the outside.
“You might bleed a little tonight after this procedure, but other than that, if you have any problems, tell your nurse.”
I nodded, still stunned as I looked at my miracle on the black and white print outs.
“Get dressed, and good luck, sweetie.”
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Ethan
I let my duffle bag fall to the floor with a plop. I was relieved to have the weekend over with. It was great catching up with Brandon. It had been hard on him and dad. It was their first time we were all together without Jamie. Even though Jamie was a hard one to love, those two loved him fiercely. Brandon had seemed like he was working through his resentment toward me over Jamie’s death. I didn’t know how much he knew about Dylan and my relationship, but since it was over, I hadn’t brought it up to him. I was shocked that my uncle encouraged me to rekindle my relationship with her. To be honest, I wanted to hit him, hard. If he hadn’t demanded she die for his sins, I might still
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