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now that I know it would have impressed her. I’ll have to learn for next
year. I pulled her chair out for her and she sat. She smelled like flowers. I pulled
off the heatware and sat down too.
    “What is it?”
    “Parmesan chicken with mushroom
sauce. I had it prepared special for you.”
    “My mouth is watering.”
    I was so entranced by her
that I barely focused on the meal, even though it was my birthday and I was ravenous.
    “How do you like it?” I said.
    “I haven’t eaten all day,”
she said, covering her full mouth with her hand. “I’m starving.”
    “More wine?”
    She nodded. As I poured I
couldn’t help but steal a look down her dress, and I ended up spilling some.
    She smiled up at me. “Oops.”
    ***
    We drank wine, talked, and
let the candles burn down to nearly a nub. I hadn’t touched the chocolate cake,
even though it had arrived in the morning. I wanted to save it for when I was with
Sandra. I hadn’t eaten sugar or anything sweet in such a long time that I’ve
been having dreams about it, so I couldn’t imagine a better way to enjoy it.
    There were also birthday candles.
Even though they were the kind that were colored and spiraled like what a kid would
have on their cake, they were fine. I went to put the candles in the cake, but Sandra
took them from me.
    “It’s your birthday,” she
said.
    She stuck them in the cake
and lit them. Then she sang to me with the prettiest voice I’ve ever heard, and
not because we’d almost drank an entire bottle of wine! She cut me a large chunk
of cake, bigger than what I would have cut for myself, and when I took a bite, I
froze.
    It was the tastiest, richest,
most delicious bite I’d ever taken in my life. It was moist and the chocolate was
decadent…
    “Hi,” she said. “Still here.”
    I laughed. “I know.”
    “You went away to chocolate
cake land for a while.”
    “I think I did,” I said, and
laughed.
    I watched her eat her cake
too, and I could see she felt the same as I did. She was lean and fit, and she probably
hadn’t had anything like it in a while either. That or she had a terrific metabolism.
    “Like it?”
    “Unbelievable,” she said and
took another mouthful, closing her eyes and savoring it.
    “What else do you do?” I said.
    “I like to read, exercise,
play tennis.”
    “What’s tennis?”
    “You’ve never played?”
    I shook my head. “It’s a game?”
    “A sport. I’ll show you some
time.”
    “When I get up top?”
    “Sure. When will that be?”
    “A few years,” I said.
    Eight years, 165 days actually.
Not that I was counting. I didn’t want to give her the exact time. That long might
mean she’d find someone else.
    “Will you wait for me?” I
said.
    She blinked. “Of course I
will.”
    We stared into each other’s
eyes for a long time. She was blurry and beautiful, and the wine had dwindled to
a nearly empty bottle and I absolutely had to have her. When I rose, she did too.
We crushed each other’s lips beside the table, and then there was a flurry of hands
taking each other’s clothes off.
    ***
    Before she rose to leave the
next morning, I told her I loved her. She didn’t say it back, but I didn’t care.
I needed to tell her, to express that to her. I didn’t want the morning to be over
as I held her, thinking there was nowhere else in the world that I’d rather be.
    Soon after she dressed, and
before she left, we kissed again, longer than any other time. When I opened my eyes,
she had gone and closed the door behind her.
    Then I was alone.

ENTRY 1 3
     
    I wasn’t going to work today
until I got some answers, and that was that. They sent numerous supervisors and
technicians all morning trying to convince me otherwise, but I insisted on talking
to someone in charge. One I knew was in charge.
    There was a knock at the door.
It was loud and insistent, nothing like Sandra’s had been. I knew it was precisely
who I needed to talk to. When I opened the door there was a man with dark