NOT What I Was Expecting Read Free Page A

morning.” 
    “But that’s good,”
I told her as I tried to be encouraging.  “Did you guys have a nice chat?”
    Another heavy sigh
escaped, and CeCe seemed to deflate before my eyes as she admitted, “Nooooo –
he was in his squad car, and he didn’t even see me.”
    The smile that
faded following CeCe’s last sigh now reappeared with whatever she was about to
say.  “So Maggie,” she plunged in conspiratorially.  “I’m thinking that if you
get yourself arrested, I’d have to bail you out.  That would mean he and I
would have a great conversation starter.  What do you think?  Good one,
right?” 
    CeCe wisely didn’t
wait for a response from me but barreled on with her suggestion.
    “It wouldn’t have
to be a felony, you know.  I’m thinking a misdemeanor would be enough.  Then I
could ask his advice on how to guide you back to being a law-abiding citizen. 
That would require follow-up conversations to discuss my concerns about new
criminal behaviors you might be exhibiting.  Then I could offer to cook dinner
for him to say thanks for all his advice, right?  What do you think?”
    I took a couple of
slow deep breaths before I answered.  We were in a public place, and
truthfully, I didn’t want to disappoint her – as ridiculous as her suggestion
might be.
    “CeCe,” I began
softly and slowly.  “You are my favorite cousin, my best friend, actually my
favorite person in the world.  While all that is true, I want you to listen to
me very carefully.  I WILL NOT get arrested so that you have something to talk
about with Ben.  You know, I don’t even understand why you get so tongue-tied
around him.  You have always had guys around you, and you’ve never had any
trouble talking to them.”
    “Yes, but I think
I’ve figured out why that’s the case,” CeCe explained.  “The men I’ve dated
before all had something wrong with them.  If there is anything wrong with
Deputy Ben, I can’t find it – and believe me, I’ve done my homework.”
    “CeCe, you do know
Ben is not perfect, don’t you?” I said softly, hoping to cushion the blow if
she really believed he was superhuman and immune to the faults of other, lesser
men.
    “Deputy Ben,” CeCe
corrected.  “I’m aware he very likely has faults like everyone else.  The
difference is I am already in love with him, so I can probably accept his flaws
— which, let’s face it, are few and far between — when he finally falls in love
with me.  You see!  I have it all figured out.”
    The waiter
delivered our food, which gave me a minute to think of a response.
    Let’s see, how could
I put this delicately?  I carefully began, “But if you don’t really know him,
and you don’t yet know what his flaws are, how do you know you love him?  Don’t
you think maybe you should keep your options open for the time being?  Like
maybe, I don’t know, seeing a therapist?  There’s an option you haven’t
explored yet.”
    “Oh, no, I don’t
need a therapist.  I just need to be able to talk to him without everything I
say sounding like gibberish, so he can go ahead and fall in love with me, and
we’ll be fine,” CeCe clarified.  “You know, there is such a thing as love at
first sight.  I just can’t talk to him because it comes out sounding like I’m
speaking Farsi, which I don’t, but I might as well be because nobody —
including me — understands what I’m saying.  If he just wasn’t so hot . 
Maybe he literally gives me a fever?  Is that possible?  Don’t you talk crazy
when you get a high fever?”
    “Yeah, I don’t
think that’s it, CeCe,” I disagreed, but tried to think of a way to help her. 
“Why don’t you try picturing one of the guys you’ve dated before when you’re
talking to Ben?  You never had trouble with your words when you were talking to
them.  Like what about Kenny the high school basketball coach?  He was fun, and
you love basketball, so you two had a lot in common.