Mara Read Free Page B

On a rug on the floor sometimes, in one of the rooms of our new home. We’d be having a picnic, Mother would say, and we would pretend we were outside, in one of the fields surrounding the farm.
    ‘We’ll invite Auntie Be and Grandma for a visit,’ she told me. That same evening she suggested it to the Reverend. I stood beside her and squeezed my hands in excitement. Full of expectation I smiled up at the man in black, who was my new father, and I listened while my mother offered her suggestion.
    ‘No.’
    The answer was short and clear. It left no room for questions, doubt or hope. I looked at my mother, expecting her to try once more, but she gave me a sad smile and shook her head.
    I missed Grandma and Auntie Be, and Mother missed them too. I knew that, because she had told me, but she never talked about it again in the Reverend’s presence, and I also kept quiet about it. When word arrived that Grandma had died, Mother cried for many long days, but we did not make the journey to her funeral. Mother turned pale and quiet, and I silently looked on.

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    ‘M ay I sit here, my dear?’
I flinched and opened my eyes to find myself face to face with an old nun.
    No, I’d rather you didn’t. ‘Yes, of course.’ I moved over a little and pulled back the shoulder bag, which was about to slip off my lap.
    ‘Would you like the window seat?’ I asked to be polite.
    ‘No, no, I’m quite alright here.’ She let herself drop on the seat beside me and groaned a bit as her joints protested.
    ‘Old and falling apart.’ She laughed as she looked at me, but I just held on to my bag tighter and moved another half an inch closer to the window.
    ‘I’m Sister Olivia.’ My hope for a peaceful train ride dissipated when she offered me her hand. Carefully I took her old hand in mine, and before I could remove my hand, I could feel the brittle bones move under my fingers.
    ‘Maria Klomp.’ I was silent again and looked outside where it was awfully busy now. Not much time could have passed between the moment I got on the train and when I dozed off, but there were noticeably more people now. It was as if everyone had been hiding away in little holes for the right moment to appear.
    When finally the train departed, I watched, with dry eyes, how Vlissingen station disappeared. I did not waste any thoughts on my own village, family, or the villagers. It was bad enough that I would have to carry that part of my life around with me the months ahead. I felt cursed, and I quietly cursed my past. Maybe after doing that I would be able to bury and forget.
    ‘So, where are you going to, if I may ask?’ The old nun again. Couldn’t she go sit somewhere else?
    I quickly told her that I had a long journey to make, all the way to Velp. To my amazement she smiled joyfully as I spoke.
    ‘How wonderful, my dear. Our Dear Lord must have put you in my path. I am on my way to Velp, as well. We can travel together. O, how wonderful! I really dislike traveling you know.’ Her wrinkles folded and unfolded while she spoke, and a few white hairs on her chin moved up and down.
    ‘I seriously doubt that your Dear Lord had anything to do with that,’ I said sullenly. I did not at all like the idea that God would still concern himself with my life, and the words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them.
    ‘Oh.’ She was quiet and did not ask anymore, but instead she took her rosary and started to mumble softly.
    I felt ashamed of what I had said, and I looked out of the window at the passing scenery. The silence I had wanted so badly was now no longer pleasant, as I was responsible for it because of my harsh words. After a few minutes, I could no longer hold back an apology.
    ‘I am sorry, Sister Olivia. I should not have said that.’ If I had felt free to do so, I would have explained to her why I did not believe that her Dear Lord had anything to do with it. I remained silent however, for I knew she would not be interested in hearing my