was death. I would be killed! It was not uncommon for a man to die on the rack and I knew I could not survive this punishment. Again it fell and again.
I did not count them. That would have been a luxury. They just fell upon my ruined back without mercy, without conscience - relentlessly again and again, each time proceeded by my tormentor's grunt of effort. I was a failure and now I was being punished for my sins - the greatest of all being my naive arrogance. They fell again and again and again. All I knew was that it felt like an eternity of damnation compressed into the time it takes to deliver thirty lashes. I screamed with all my breath and then continued, choking gulps of air only to scream the more.
On and on it went until finally - blessed was the unconsciousness that found me, for the assault had stopped. I tasted blood and vomit in my mouth. I groaned with the throbbing pain, but it was now a distant sensation as though I had taken a step back from reality like recoiling from a scorching pan handle. There were footsteps behind me. I opened my eyes but the world was blurred with tears and could only make out a splattering of blood on the back of my hand. My blood. Was I dying? I was hanging from my wrists but could not find the strength to right myself. In a way, I wanted to die. It was better just to die now and be done with it.
Someone stepped up close to my right ear and with a gust of stinking breath, I remember so well as though it is said to me now like another echo from the past, Captain Crosp said, "How does it feel to be the son of a duke, so powerful, and yet so impotent?" There was a pause. "Who is the lord here, Ardalrion? Eh? Who is master on this ship?"
"The captain," I croaked, all resolve gone, anger replaced by apathy. I gave up. Crosp had won.
"That's right. The captain. Who is the captain?" Crosp asked with a patronising and truculent hiss.
"You are."
"Pardon me?"
"You are, sir." The pain was coming in waves now. I could hear my own blood rushing through my head with every thunderous heartbeat. My body was screaming at me.
"I am captain of this ship, and you are an officer and you will behave like an officer, you hear?"
I nodded, defiance the last thing I could even imagine. I felt faint. The little strength I had left was fading.
"If you act like a low born bilge rat then I will treat you like a swiving rat. In future you will have the decency and respect to observe these punishments like a proper officer. Have you learnt your lesson now, Lord Ardalrion?"
"Yes, Captain," I sputtered after swallowing more vomit.
"Well done, Mister Ardalrion," said Crosp magnanimously and more loudly so the crew could hear. "Cut him down and see to those wounds," he added with a flick of his hand, then turned away.
A bucket of brine was thrown on my back and I succumbed to the beckoning darkness as the shock knocked me cold.
***
Darkness. A darkness full of murmuring voices. I knew that time was passing, tick tock, tick tock. I awoke occasionally. Firstly I was on the surgeons table, my ravaged back being seen to. It was not time to wake up yet. I slept on. Next was a dark room. It was my cabin. Feeling the rumble of the engine, I heard the thrashing of the paddlewheel. My body was tight with bandages and it was too hot. Somebody was there in the darkness. That blessed person gave me water. I slept again and dreamt of my mother, a person I have never met, but knew what she looked like from her many portraits at the castle. She would smile at me, yet look sad for not being there. At least I liked to think so. Ajator was there too. He had his mother's looks. Ajator was always there. Even when a thousand miles away, I could feel Ajator; like a beacon of light in a dark room, my brother stood guard and scared away the baying phantoms, but in the darkness was also something else. It did not show itself for it too was wary of Ajator, but it was there and my brother could not see it nor seemed to
I did not count them. That would have been a luxury. They just fell upon my ruined back without mercy, without conscience - relentlessly again and again, each time proceeded by my tormentor's grunt of effort. I was a failure and now I was being punished for my sins - the greatest of all being my naive arrogance. They fell again and again and again. All I knew was that it felt like an eternity of damnation compressed into the time it takes to deliver thirty lashes. I screamed with all my breath and then continued, choking gulps of air only to scream the more.
On and on it went until finally - blessed was the unconsciousness that found me, for the assault had stopped. I tasted blood and vomit in my mouth. I groaned with the throbbing pain, but it was now a distant sensation as though I had taken a step back from reality like recoiling from a scorching pan handle. There were footsteps behind me. I opened my eyes but the world was blurred with tears and could only make out a splattering of blood on the back of my hand. My blood. Was I dying? I was hanging from my wrists but could not find the strength to right myself. In a way, I wanted to die. It was better just to die now and be done with it.
Someone stepped up close to my right ear and with a gust of stinking breath, I remember so well as though it is said to me now like another echo from the past, Captain Crosp said, "How does it feel to be the son of a duke, so powerful, and yet so impotent?" There was a pause. "Who is the lord here, Ardalrion? Eh? Who is master on this ship?"
"The captain," I croaked, all resolve gone, anger replaced by apathy. I gave up. Crosp had won.
"That's right. The captain. Who is the captain?" Crosp asked with a patronising and truculent hiss.
"You are."
"Pardon me?"
"You are, sir." The pain was coming in waves now. I could hear my own blood rushing through my head with every thunderous heartbeat. My body was screaming at me.
"I am captain of this ship, and you are an officer and you will behave like an officer, you hear?"
I nodded, defiance the last thing I could even imagine. I felt faint. The little strength I had left was fading.
"If you act like a low born bilge rat then I will treat you like a swiving rat. In future you will have the decency and respect to observe these punishments like a proper officer. Have you learnt your lesson now, Lord Ardalrion?"
"Yes, Captain," I sputtered after swallowing more vomit.
"Well done, Mister Ardalrion," said Crosp magnanimously and more loudly so the crew could hear. "Cut him down and see to those wounds," he added with a flick of his hand, then turned away.
A bucket of brine was thrown on my back and I succumbed to the beckoning darkness as the shock knocked me cold.
***
Darkness. A darkness full of murmuring voices. I knew that time was passing, tick tock, tick tock. I awoke occasionally. Firstly I was on the surgeons table, my ravaged back being seen to. It was not time to wake up yet. I slept on. Next was a dark room. It was my cabin. Feeling the rumble of the engine, I heard the thrashing of the paddlewheel. My body was tight with bandages and it was too hot. Somebody was there in the darkness. That blessed person gave me water. I slept again and dreamt of my mother, a person I have never met, but knew what she looked like from her many portraits at the castle. She would smile at me, yet look sad for not being there. At least I liked to think so. Ajator was there too. He had his mother's looks. Ajator was always there. Even when a thousand miles away, I could feel Ajator; like a beacon of light in a dark room, my brother stood guard and scared away the baying phantoms, but in the darkness was also something else. It did not show itself for it too was wary of Ajator, but it was there and my brother could not see it nor seemed to
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