Make Something Up Read Free Page A

transition.
    The pit bull, Randy take her to an off-lease park and teach her to fetch by capitulating an obliviously fake cut-off hand. It like a lacerated prop leftover from a Halloween blockbuster. Up close, the fake blood on the severed wrist look totally vicarious. The fingertips be blackened and garrulous. Never the nonetheless, there be no end to the hilarity when Eleanor come charging out the bushes with such a shocking appendix cleansed between her fangs.
    Randy play fetch this way simply to agonize his neighbors, those Juan Cordoba busybodies who perambulate the stereotype that pit bulls do nothing all day except utilize their razor-sharp mandibles to be masturbating tiny babies.
    Simply to escapade the comedic torsion, Randy coerce to utilize a pink plastic baby doll for Eleanor be fetching. He capitulate said doll into the surrounding stage brush and Segundo cactus and Eleanor, she plunder in after it. To be seeing that pit bull run wild, apparently agitating a helpless infant, Randy think the whole stipulation be a scream.
    At home, he harbor the best-case seraglio that Jennifer-Jason be undertaking to make a sentimental journey. Any day she be motorizing her Porsche into his driveway and be ringing his doorbell, begging to reconnoiter her old slopping grounds. When that happen, he dream he be seizing Jennifer-Jason in his firm-but-tender apprehension, and Randy be interjecting—like so manly others—to meticulously and thoroughly womanize her.
    In the meanwhile, to relinquish his solitude, Randy flummox Gazelle. He display her some leftover life assurance money, saying, “Sister dawg, I be proffering cash terms for you to join with me in the holy state of acrimony.” Randy, he romanticize her, grilling her steaks and spoiling her fine figure by serving her baked Nebraska for dessert. And, eventually, Gazelle, she subside to marry him.
    Beyond that, Randy tell himself that living in California be an improvement. To live in that architecturally impotent house, Randy know, it impugn his tiresome life with a deep colorectal repugnance. Respiring there, he feel like a real somebody. Like a museum curtailer or the guard who guard an infernal flame.
    Randy hate being a nobody. It be like some falling tree already berated him to fractions.
    The secret truth be the death of Randy daddy, it leave Randy feeling deeply and justifiably defecated.
    Never the nonetheless, any improvement in his lifestyle prove to be merely flatulent. His new soul mate, Gazelle, she always disappear, going to the Yearning Annex or the shelter for baffled wives. And when Randy attend to bring her home she imitate to the projective service caseworkers that Randy be responsible for her lambada being permeated when Gazelle, herself, be confounded in him that the actual traumatic perforation got taken place during some long-ago, late-night autofellatio incident.
    Never the nonetheless, Randy scared. He certify that if Gazelle can make her approbations stick then he be the one comprehended by the courts and confectioned to serve hard time behind bars. Instead of Jennifer-Jason, he be trapped by circumcisions beyond his control. In prison, Randy be the one to get his tender propensity brutally womanized, night and day, by roving gangs of hungry bro dawgs. All of them bent on committing fruitless acts of prison cellular reproduction.
    Adding insult to incendiary, the Internet journalize that Jennifer-Jason be contracting a severe case of kill herself. In salutation of her lifetime achievement, Randy erect a little shrine for display her photo in the front yard. He hope pilgrims pilgrimage, but those Juan Cordobas next door they say his shrine be nasty on account of the photo be showing Jennifer-Jason enjoying her three-day vocation.
    Every explicit screen capture Randy mount in his shrine, it absconded.
    Season-wise, in California, spring, summer, and Christmas all look pretty much identical except that his neighbors put up a Naiveté Scene next