Major Karnage Read Free Page B

medals. He remembered
that. Somewhere in some lockbox in the asylum lay seventeen
medals, seven citations for bravery, and a set of major’s stripes.
    Karnage lay his head against the wall. He thought about his
squad up in Ward Three. Velasquez. Heckler. Cookie. Koch. The
finest troopers he’d ever served with. Who cared if they were sane? No one alive could outsoldier ’em. Karnage smiled. No dead ones, either.
    Karnage heard a door open in the distance. Echoing footsteps
moved towards him. He looked up. A man’s silhouette appeared in
the shaft of light above. It was Flaherty.
    “Ah, I see you’re finally awake,” Flaherty said. “How are you
feeling? Would you like any painkillers?”
    “I’m gonna kill you when I get outta here.” A sharp jolt shot down
Karnage’s spine.
    “Warning. Sanity Level upgraded to Citrus Blast. Please refrain
from violent behaviour. Thank you.”
    Flaherty tsked. “Temper, John. We wouldn’t want you to lose
your head.”
    “Where’s Cookie?” Karnage said.
    “Cookie’s showing signs of relapse. I was hoping those implants
would improve his condition. I’ve scheduled him for exploratory
surgery in the morning.”
    “Quit carving up his brain, you eggheaded bastard!” Karnage
threw his body into the wall. He bounced off harmlessly. Another
jolt of electricity ran through his spine. Karnage shrugged it off. He
glared menacingly at Flaherty as the Sanity Patch crooned “Tangy
Orange.”
    “It seems these mild warnings aren’t working. You’re obviously
not taking your Sanity Levels seriously enough. I think I’m going to
have to turn up the voltage,” Flaherty said.
    “Sure,” Karnage said. “If you can’t get me to blow my own head
off, you’ll just fry my brain right inside my own skull.”
    “That’s not true.”
    “Sure it is! Jackin’ up my Sanity Patch. Carvin’ up Cookie’s brain.
Don’t think I don’t see what’s goin’ on here. Me and Cookie stumbled
onto your little invasion plan, and now you want us out of the way.”
    Flaherty blinked. “My invasion plan?”
    “I don’t know how you factor into all this yet, but I’ll figure it out.
I ain’t gonna stop until I get to the bottom of the whole thing.”
    Flaherty shook his head. “I’ve clearly underestimated the depth
of your psychosis. You are, quite possibly, far more insane than I
had originally imagined. I’m starting to think the Sanity Patch is
nowhere near enough. If you continue to believe in this delusion, I
may have to resort to more drastic treatments.”
    “Sure. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Carve my brain right outta
my skull and stick it in a mason jar! Turn me into a walkin’ vegetable.
Don’t think for one second you and your alien pals can intimidate
me. I seen more shit in one day than you could see in a hundred
lifetimes!”
    Flaherty removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
“John, I sincerely hope this turns out to be a temporary delusion.
Otherwise . . . well, I won’t speculate. Nevertheless, I will state this:
there is no conspiracy. There is no alien invasion. No one is out to
get you or your comrades. We really are doing everything we can to
help you. Please believe that.”
    “That’s just what I’d expect you to say.”
    “Good night, John.” Flaherty stepped away from the light.
Karnage heard his footsteps echo back towards the door.
    “You can’t hide the truth, Flaherty! You can’t hide the truth!”
    The only reply was the slammed door echoing in the darkness.

CHAPTER THREE
    Flaherty descended the steps of the Veteran’s Home. He fished his
car keys out of his pocket and let out a long breath. What a trying
day. Sometimes he wondered why he even bothered. He knew his
methods were a bit . . . well, unorthodox, but that’s why he’d accepted
this position. If he could cure these soldiers, he might finally win
some acclaim from his colleagues.
    The sun was just disappearing over the