Major Karnage Read Free

runs from Snow White to Tricycle Red. Fortunately, John has never
hit Tricycle Red. The furthest he has ever hit was Frosty Pink. And
that was plenty close enough for our liking. Wasn’t it, John?”
    “Eat donkey dick,” Karnage growled.
    “What happens if he hits Tricycle Red?” Johnson asked.
    “Tricycle Red activates the fail-safe. The subject is terminated
before he can cause further harm to himself or others.”
    “Terminated?”
    “He means if I hit Tricycle Red, my fuckin’ head blows off,”
Karnage said.
    “Is that true?” Johnson asked.
    “I wouldn’t put it quite like that, but yes. The subject’s spinal cord
is severed from his brain. It’s not as barbaric as it sounds, really.
It’s a worst case scenario, something we work diligently to prevent.
Don’t we, John?”
    “You’re nuts,” Karnage said.
    “I’ll be the judge of that.” Flaherty winked at Johnson.
    “I ain’t the guy implantin’ explosives into people’s brains!”
    “I wish you’d stop looking at it that way, John. I’m trying to
reintegrate you back into society. You have some extremely violent
tendencies that simply must be addressed before anything of the
sort can happen.” Flaherty turned to Johnson. “Come along,
Johnson. Let me show you the O.R.”
    Flaherty headed to the door, expecting Johnson to follow.
Johnson didn’t. He took a few steps towards Karnage and put a
hand on his shoulder. “I just want to say how much I appreciate the
sacrifices you made for us in The War.”
    The War!
    Karnage’s eyes bulged. His heart hammered in his chest. The War!
    The entire room dissolved. Karnage’s vision filled with flames, crumbling buildings, and death.
    The War!
    Rage pulsed through his limbs. The straps binding him to the bed bulged. There was the faint sound of tearing.
    “Johnson! Get away!”
    Karnage’s bed straps exploded in all directions. His right hand whipped up and grabbed Johnson by the throat. The Sanity Patch
sent electric jolts shooting up his spine. He didn’t flinch. The Patch’s
cheery voice informed everyone that Karnage’s sanity level was now
at “Peachy Keen.”
    Karnage slowly sat up, lifting Johnson into the air. His voice
hissed through his teeth as the remaining straps gave way one by
one with a loud snap.
    “Don’t . . .”
    Snap!
    “. . . talk to me . . .”
    Snap-snap!
    “. . . about The War!”
    With a final snap, Karnage erupted from the bed. He lifted Johnson high into the air. Johnson grabbed futilely at Karnage’s
wrist. Johnson’s face was beet red. The Sanity Patch crooned “Tangy
Orange” as Skyscraper and Mammoth charged towards Karnage.
Karnage turned to meet them, smiling crazily.
    Battle! This was what he knew. He kicked the bed with his foot
towards the charging nurses. Skyscraper dodged out of the way as
the bed slammed into Mammoth, knocking him down. Skyscraper
whipped out his stun gun and stabbed it at Karnage. Karnage
deftly sidestepped Skyscraper, tripped him and pulled the stun gun
from his fingers. He slammed his knee into Skyscraper’s back, and
slammed the stun gun into the base of his skull. Karnage gave him
full blast until Skyscraper’s screaming and flailing subsided into
silent fish flops.
    The major rose up just in time to catch Mammoth full in the gut
with the stun gun. He juiced him hard, all the while keeping a firm
grip on Johnson’s throat, whipping him around like a rag doll. Once
Mammoth stopped moving, Karnage threw Johnson up into the
wall, pinning him by his neck. In the back of his mind somewhere,
he was conscious of alarms blaring and Flaherty screaming for
security. A voice at the back of his neck whispered that he had just
hit “Sharp Cheddar.” Karnage didn’t care. They could ring their
alarms and call their security and blow his head off. None of that
mattered. Karnage’s entire world had shrunk down to just him and
Johnson.
    “You want to talk to me about The War? I’ll