Love...Under Different Skies Read Free

curtains in the spare bedroom.
    He starts to speak, but I hold out one hand. “No, no. Let’s not keep this monumental occasion to ourselves.” I throw open my office door. Outside a plethora of heads are already turned towards me. “Hello everyone. Alex has an announcement to make.”
    Alex follows me out. “This is ridiculous, James…Jamie.”
    “Is it? As ridiculous as a newspaper making massive cutbacks while its owner suntans his hairy arse on a beach, and his trophy wife seduces the pool boy back in the hotel penthouse?”
    There are gasps from the audience—sorry, my work colleagues—as they digest this.
    “I think this is a private matter between us,” Alex says and tries to pull me back into my office.
    “Oh, I don’t think it is, Alex. You’re one of those odious little shit bags—” more gasps, louder this time “—who likes to dish the dirt behind closed doors where no one can see you. This time, though, you’re going to spew your loathsome words in front of everyone.” I put out an arm. “So please, tell the boys and girls what you’re doing with me.” I fold both arms and lean against the door frame, watching what Alex does next.
    “You give me no choice, Jamie. Really no choice at all. I don’t like to do things like this.”
    I roll my eyes. “Jesus Christ, get on with it, you oily tick.”
    The gasps are joined by not a small amount of laughter. I might be leaving with my belongings in a cardboard box, but at least the poor bastards who have to carry on working in this dive can go home with a smile on their face and a decent anecdote to tell their friends at the pub tonight.
    “You’re fired, Jamie! Collect your belongings immediately and leave!” For once Alex actually sounds commanding. Then he ruins it by whispering, “The HR Department will be in touch later today about your final pay slip .”
    “Excellent!” I shout and clap my hands together. “You finally managed to grow a set and do it. Well done, Alex! And may I just say that working for you has been slightly less pleasant than lying with my mouth wide-open under the back legs of a camel with diarrhoea?”
    “You tell him, Jamie!” a voice calls from the back of the room. I think it’s Clare, but I can’t be sure as the speaker is keeping herself well hidden behind some filing cabinets.
    “And while we’re at it, I’d very much like you to pass on a message to Mr. Keene. Please tell him that he is a cunt of the highest, highest order. Also, his wife is nowhere near as attractive as she thinks she is. She is also a moron. I know nothing about women and am fairly sure I could come up with a better feature for a women’s supplement than ‘what’s the best chocolate to eat while you’re on a treadmill. ’ ”
    “I suggest you leave right now Jamie,” Alex spits.
    “Oh don’t try and order me around, you slimy prick. You lost the power to do that about a minute ago.” I turn to address the floor and see a series of stunned expressions. “Goodbye everyone. Some of you I got on with quite well. Some of you I barely knew. I received a hand job from only one of you.” A snort of laughter erupts from behind the filing cabinets. “I hope that things get better here for all of you as soon as possible. Alex could certainly start that process by jumping out of the nearest high window.” I smile at the skinny weasel and give him the finger for good measure. “I’m leaving now,” I say to my enrapt audience, “and will head home to tell my wife what has happened here today. If you wish to visit me in hospital, I would imagine I’ll be at St. Mary’s as that’s the nearest one to my house.”
    I turn back into my office and slam the door so hard it can probably be heard in the Maldives. Fifteen minutes later I’m chain-smoking my way out of the parking lot. Forty minutes later I’m sitting outside the house, sheer terror gripping every inch of me…except my ass, which has completely stopped throbbing,