Lost at School Read Free Page B

have a developmental delay and apply the same compassion and approach you would use with any other learning disability, they do a lot better. Continue treating them as if they’re unmotivated, manipulative, attention-seeking, limit-testing … continue relying heavily on consequences to address their difficulties, well, they often don’t do better. That’s because consequences don’t teach kids the thinking skills they lack or solve the problems that set the stage for their challenging behavior. Why have we been so zealously overapplying consequences to kids with behavioral challenges? Because we didn’t realize they had a developmental delay.
    If conventional school discipline isn’t working for kids with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges, the only reason to keep using it would be because it is working for the kids who do not have these challenges. The reality is that well-behaved students aren’t behaving themselves because of the school discipline program. They’re behaving themselves because they have the skills to handle life’s challenges in an adaptive fashion. Thus, rethinking how to go about addressing the needs of challenging kids can be approached without great trepidation: The school discipline program isn’t working for the kids who aren’t doing well and isn’t needed by the kids who are.
    Now back to our original questions: What are we going to do about Joey? And how are we going to help Mrs. Woods and Ms. Lowell?
    Just as we would with any other developmental delay, we’re going to help Mrs. Woods and Ms. Lowell better understand Joey’s difficulties (in other words, help them identify the skills he’s lacking) and pinpoint the situations in which he is most likely to have these difficulties (these are called unsolved problems ). And we’re going to help them learn how to work with Joey so the problems can be solved, the skills can be taught, and he won’t be as challenging anymore.
    No, it’s not going to be easy, and it’s definitely going to take time.Helping kids with behavioral challenges is never easy and is always time-consuming. But intervening in ways that aren’t working is always harder and more time-consuming than intervening in ways that are working. Of course, a lot hinges on your definition of “working.” All too often, “working” refers only to the successful minimization of the impact of a challenging kid on his classmates. While this is a noble goal, it is often accomplished by sacrificing the challenging kid. What if it were possible to help him solve the problems that are setting the stage for his challenging behavior, simultaneously teach him the skills he’s lacking, minimize the negative impact he has on his classmates, and prevent his inexorable slide toward alienation?
    We’re losing a lot of kids and a lot of teachers because we still view challenging kids the wrong way and handle them in ways that don’t address their true difficulties. It’s an exercise in frustration for everyone involved, and it’s time to get off the treadmill.

CHAPTER 2
    Kids Do Well If They Can
    Kids with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges lack important thinking skills. Now there’s an idea that can take some getting used to. Let’s begin by considering your philosophy of kids: what kids are about, why they do what they do, what they’re up to (if they’re really up to anything).
    Many adults have never given much thought to their philosophy of kids. But if you’re trying to help kids with behavioral challenges, you’re going to need one, because it’s your philosophy of kids that’s going to guide your beliefs and your actions in your interactions with them, especially when the going gets tough. The philosophy that serves as the foundation of this book is the title of this chapter: “kids do well if they can.”
    This philosophy may not sound earth-shattering, but when we consider the very popular alternative philosophy—“kids do well if they