Losing You

Losing You Read Free

Book: Losing You Read Free
Author: Nicci French
Tags: Extratorrents, Kat, C429
Ads: Link
hardly knows them to the other side of…’
    ‘Rory, Rory, hold on…’ I walked a few steps down the driveway.
    ‘Just because I went off the rails a bit, does that mean I’ve forfeited the right to see them and they’re growing up so quickly my little children only of course they’re not so littleany more and now there’s this Christian and soon they’ll stop thinking of me as their father that’s what you want isn’t it only you always used to say –’
    ‘What’s up?’ I hated the way my voice took on a calming, gentle tone, as if I was murmuring nonsense to a scared horse, all the while wanting to slide a bridle over its head. I knew what his face was like when he was ranting, screwed up in wretched anger, an unnerving replica of Charlie when she was upset. I knew there were tears in his eyes and that he’d been drinking. ‘You’ve known for weeks we were going away. You said it was fine. We discussed it.’
    ‘At least you could have let me see them before they go,’ he said.
    ‘What do you mean?’
    ‘Just for a bit, to say happy Christmas.’
    ‘That’s not possible,’ I said. I heard a crunching on the gravel behind me and turned to find Karen making exaggerated semaphores with her arms and mouthing incomprehensible words at me. Behind her, my car’s engine coughed and hacked and rasped, then stuttered into life. I held up a finger, signifying I’d only be a few seconds. I felt like a terrible hypocrite. I was having a suppressed row with Rory while making a pathetic attempt to suggest to the eagerly eavesdropping Karen that I was in a perfectly civilized discussion. ‘We’re leaving in an hour or so for the airport.’
    ‘I’m speaking theoretically. I’m speaking about principle. You know that word? Principle? The principle of a father seeing his daughter.’
    ‘You’ve got a son as well,’ I said. I had always hated the way he was besotted with Charlie and often seemed barely to notice Jackson, who adored him.
    ‘Of a father seeing his children. That’s what I’m speaking about.’ His voice broke up.
    ‘You’re on your mobile. You’re not driving, are you?’ Drunk-driving was what I meant but didn’t say.
    ‘I got your solicitor’s letter.’
    I was wary now. I’d asked my solicitor, Sally, who was also a close friend, to write a letter to his solicitor. It had been the first step on an unpleasant road. The letter warned him that if his behaviour with Jackson and Charlie didn’t become more rational I would be forced to seek a restraining order. I’d done it after their last visit, when he’d got drunk and knocked Jackson over. The children hadn’t told me about it until I’d insisted on knowing how the bruise on Jackson’s shoulder had come about.
    ‘You just want to take them away.’
    ‘I don’t,’ I said hopelessly.
    ‘It’s Christmas and I won’t see them.’
    ‘I’ve got to go. I’ll ring you from home.’
    ‘Don’t cut me off.’
    ‘I’m not. I’m saying I’ll call you in a few minutes. Have a strong coffee or something and I’ll call you.’
    ‘What does that mean, “have a strong coffee”?’
    ‘’Bye, Rory.’
    I clicked the phone off. I blinked and hoped it might look as if it was just the wind in my face.
    ‘Oh dear,’ said Karen. ‘Upset?’
    ‘He’s fine.’ I felt my pity flare into protectiveness before Karen’s blatant curiosity. ‘I mean, no.’
    ‘Christmas can be difficult for the absent father, can’t it?’
    ‘I guess.’
    ‘And, after all, Rory was always rather…’ She was searchingfor the exact word. ‘Volatile,’ she said at last, with heavy-handed tact. ‘Like Charlie,’ she added. ‘Not like you and Jackson. You’re always so polite and methodical.’
    I turned with relief to my now nicely chugging car. ‘That’s fantastic, Rick. Thanks so much.’
    ‘Don’t mention it.’
    ‘Now go and work on your boat,’ I said. I stood on tiptoe and gave him a kiss on both cold, stubbly, grease-stained

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