Lettuces and Cream Read Free

of the van slid into the ditch and there was a sickening crunching and slithering of the vans contents.
    ‘Wow man, some crazy trip eh.’ Zac turned off the engine and lit up yet another of his herbal smokes. The impact of the crash had tousled Zacs long and unkempt hair over his face, which gave him a manic appearance. Mike felt like giving him a bloody good shaking as he seemed totally unconcerned as to the predicament. He too lit up one of his own cigarettes and prepared to climb down from the now angled cab and assess the situation.
    In the farmyard Jan and the children were sitting in the car waiting for Mikes arrival. The cat was still howling within the confines of the cardboard box and the children were busting to get out of the car. Three and a half hours was a long time for them to be in one place.
    ‘Can we get out now Mum please?’ David pleaded.
    ‘And me mum, can I?’
    ‘Daddy will be here soon then we can all get out. Here he is now.’ She knew instantly that something was wrong.
    ‘What’s the matter, where’s the van?’
    ‘In the bloody ditch, I told him to slow down, the useless sod. He seems to be half asleep and nothing seems to bother him.’ Mike rarely swore. He dragged agitatedly on his cigarette.
    ‘What do we do now, love,’ Jan said sympathetically, resisting the urge to say, I told you so.
    ‘See Mr Davis, he must know someone with a tractor. He’s still here I suppose?’
    ‘Yeah when I arrived he was having a meal as though he has all the time in the world.’
    ‘Bugger, still, we need him now. I’ll go and see him.’
    ‘Oh yes, and there’s a woman with him. His wife I think.’
    ‘He told us she had run off with the coal-man.’
    ‘Well perhaps she’s come back. Perhaps she’s after the money from the farm sale…
    ‘Slowly now, right, start the van up, leave it out of gear, Dan.’ The father and son team, Idris and Daniel, had arrived with a monstrous tractor that looked capable of towing the Queen Mary let alone a three-ton van. Zac just stood by and let them get on with it totally unconcerned about the state of his van. Mike’s only worry was the condition of the contents. The two welcome helpers shouted instructions to each other in what was to Mike incomprehensible local Welsh but with a good sprinkling of easily recognized four letter words, and effortlessly positioned the van back on to Terra Firma.
    ‘You going to be living here then, are you?’ Said Idris giving Mike and Zac a bemused look.
    ‘I am, he’s not,’ Mike replied, gesturing towards Zac. ‘We’re going to start a nursery growing salad crops, lettuce and tomatoes mostly,under cover in plastic tunnels.’
    Idris looked bewildered ‘Lettuce? Plastic tunnels? Out here?’ his head turned, scanning the wide-open fields dotted with patches of woodland. It was obvious that unless Mikes plans included four hooves and mooed, his ideas were bizarre and out of place. Added to that Idris probably wasn’t too keen on eating raw lettuce leaves either. Only animals did that. The quizzing continued with Idris wanting to know where they were from and all the other, ‘ins and outs of a cats bum,’ as Mike’s grandmother would have said.
    ‘Anyway thanks very much. What do I owe you Mr?’
    ‘Evans-Idris Evans, no, no nothing at all.’
    ‘I’m Mike, Mike Jones and I’m really grateful, but are you sure I don’t owe you anything Idris?’
    ‘Yes yes, nothing, we’ll be off now,’ he looked at his watch, ‘it’s nearly time for milking anyway.’ Back in the tractor cab the two looked at each other with superior attitude and smiled. ‘I wonder how long they will be here for, eh Dan. Bloody English hippies,’ they both sniggered disparagingly.
    By the time Mike and the van reached the house he found the kids had been released from the car and were rampaging with great joy around the overgrown and junk laden farmyard. Jan was still in the car, doors open and enjoying a cigarette and watching a