Letting Go Read Free Page B

happen,” Joss said firmly.
    “Uh-oh. Do we even want to hear this?” Chessy asked.
    Silence fell over the table when the waiter appeared to take their orders. Only after he’d departed did Kylie prompt Joss to explain what she’d meant.
    Joss sighed and then glanced up at Chessy. “I wanted to ask you . . . I mean I know this is a personal question, but you’ve talked about it before and if it’s too personal, feel free to tell me to mind my own business, but I’d really like to ask you some questions about you and Tate.”
    A dark shadow crossed over Chessy’s face and sadness entered her eyes for a brief moment before she shook it away. But the look hadn’t gone unnoticed by either Joss or Kylie, who exchanged quick puzzled looks.
    “You know you can ask me anything,” Chessy said lightly, though the lightness of her tone seemed forced to Joss.
    Deciding to try to figure out later what was behind that, Joss plunged ahead.
    “You’ve said that you and Tate have a dominant, submissive relationship. That he calls the shots in and out of bed. I just wanted to know . . . I mean this sounds stupid because of course you’re happy. Anyone who sees the two of you can see how in love you are, but I wanted to know more about how it works.”
    Kylie paled and Joss hated bringing up the subject in front of her, but she didn’t want to hide something this important from her sister-in-law. Not just a sister-in-law but her best friend. Kylie and Chessy were her two best friends in the world. She couldn’t not share this with them because it was huge. A monumental leap forward from the life she’d led the last three years.
    “Joss? Why are you asking?” Chessy asked in a puzzled voice. One laced with concern.
    Joss took another deep breath and closed her eyes. She reached for Kylie’s hand because she knew this would be hard for her sister-in-law.
    “You both know I loved Carson with all my heart. He gave me everything. But I’ve always had this . . . need. Craving. Desire. I don’t know what to call it. But I’ve always craved . . . dominance. And everything that goes with it. And it’s the one thing I knew Carson couldn’t, wouldn’t give me. I loved him too much to ever demand it of him. We spoke of it once. Early in our relationship. Before I knew about his childhood. He was always so afraid he’d turn out like his father. The idea of doing anything that might hurt me or that may be construed as abuse appalled him. And I think in the beginning he feared losing me because he couldn’t provide me with that kind of relationship.”
    Kylie’s gaze had dropped, but Joss could see the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. Joss tightened her hold on Kylie’s hand, lending her strength that she hadn’t had until now.
    “And you want it now ?” Chessy asked, her brow furrowed.
    Slowly Joss nodded.
    Kylie’s head came up, a protest already forming on her lips, but Joss silenced her with another squeeze to her hand.
    “I don’t want a relationship. I mean not a permanent one. I found perfection once. I know I’ll never find that kind of love again. But I need something to fill the void. A void that’s always existed, but while I was with Carson it wasn’t so aching. I wasn’t lonely. He provided me what I needed, even if a tiny part of me always wanted and needed more. I know that sounds terrible. I loved Carson with all my heart and soul, and I would have never done anything to hurt him. But he’s gone. I’ve had to come to grips with the fact that no matter how hard I wish it, he’s not coming back.”
    Emotion knotted her throat and she blinked as hot moisture clouded her eyes. She wiped hastily at her cheeks, not wanting to make a scene in public. Kylie’s head lowered again, a tear sliding down her pale cheek.
    “I’m lonely,” Joss whispered. “And I need something, someone to fill that void that Carson left behind. It’s time for me to let go and try to move on. I’ve