Last Call Read Free Page B

owed me a quarter and he didn’t have one
    he give me that knife as collateral
    What’d he own you a quarter for?
    said D’Wayne Newberry
    Fixing a flat tire
    You charge a quarter for that?
    it uster be a dime
    Inflation said Johnny Bert Ezell
    like the livestock man says on the radio
    higher higher higher that’s the way it goes
    That wadn’t his pocketknife
    it’s mine
    he didn’t have no right to give it to you
    Yougn have it back
    said Johnny Bert Ezell
    I can?
    Yessir
    Give it here then
    Nope, you’ve got to redeem it
    A quarter?
    No, I’ll need a bit more seeing as it’s purloined
    it has sentimental value to me now
    How much?
    About a dollar’s worth
    A dollar said D’Wayne Newberry
    that’s almost as much as it costed new
    Oh I imagine it cost moren that
    Billy Klogphorne he collects pocketknives
    I’ll bet you he would give me upward
    of a dollar for it used
    You’d sell my pocketknife to Billy Klogphorne?
    I don’t have upwards of a dollar on me
    Then it’s a bargain for you said Johnny Bert Ezell
    a dollar and six bits new at least
    yougn have this one for a dollar even
    and I sharpened the blades
    You did?
    Yougn shave the hair off your arm with it now
    give you something to do at church during the sermon
    How’d you know that? said D’Wayne Newberry
    I’m not blind I seen you trying
    now yougn get it accomplished
    impress your girlfriend and boys
    I haven’t got no dollar on me
    How much you got?
    I don’t know
    let me see
    quarter thirty five forty fifty five fifty seven cents
    Tell you what
    just today I’ll give you a special deal
    I’ll redeem this here sharpened pocket knife to you
    for fifty seven cents and to ease my conscience over the usury
    I’ll put that money in the collection plate this Sunday
    as long as you’ll make me a promise
    What?
    You’ll buy your boy Monroe a patch kit
    and teach him how to fix his own flat tire
    from now on and if he doesn’t learn it
    next time it’ll be a dollar fifty so that makes it a even better deal
    you’ll be saving yourself a whole dollar and four bits then
    you think you can do that?
    I dunno
    maybe
    he don’t learn things too quick
    Well, neither do you
    but I hope so anyways now give me fifty seven cents
    and yougn have this two dollar sharpened knife
    we’ll call it even
    I suppose
    somehow this don’t seem right
    I think you’re taking a vantage of me
    I’ll have to thank about it but I might need that pocketknife
    I guessed I don’t have no choice
    Nope, not today but you do for next time
    I do?
    Yep
    you teach that boy how to take care of his equipment
    it’s gone save you a whole lot of money
    time and trouble in the long run
    I guarantee you that for a fact
    so in that light you actually got a real bargain
    you can be proud of negotiating
    I hope the rest of your day goes real good for you
    and that sharpened pocket knife makes you a good one
    and for that boy of yours Monroe who incidentally
    needs to be coming to my Sunday School class
    at ten o’clock sharp this weekend
    I hope you catch my drift
    Bye now
    say hey to that boy Monroe

San Antonio Incident
    Jerry Ray Newman on family vacation
    ran half a block down the street
    to the closest public pay phone
    when the Operator said Number please
    he said Can yall send a amblance
    down here real quick
    my mama she’s hurt purdy good?
    Can you tell me how she’s hurt?
    Walking down the street
    here come this big goddam sowbitch
    jalapeno pig with babies
    her being a fleshy woman
    she couldn’t run as fast as the rest of us
    it caught her and mault her real bad
    she’s a bleeding like a sieve
    on that one leg
    What is the location?
    Right down the street from the motel
    where we’re staying at
    Can you give me an address?
    What’s the address, Daddy?
    he says it’s 4th street and Rhododendron
    Could you please spell that?
    Wait. Hey