Lady: Impossible Read Free Page B

spill out unceremoniously, creating a mess that the Second Earl would most definitely disapprove of. I’m tempted to call a friend to discuss this surprise butler/housemate situation, but they won’t really understand without seeing Blair in person. I wouldn’t care as much if he was older or uglier – in other words, unremarkable. To some degree Mother is correct: this isn’t as ‘amusing’ as Al’s exploits. But it certainly doesn’t help to have such a young, attractive male living in the family’s London home when she’s claiming to be tired of her married life.  
    I already know I won’t be able to stop staring at Blair whenever he’s around, and it’s bound to descend into flat-out perving. The only times I’ll be inclined not to look at him is if he’s doing my laundry (knickers and all) or cleaning the toilet in my bathroom. It’s not like in a hotel, where the staff try their best not to be seen. I’m going to be near him twenty-four seven, or whatever hours he’s officially ‘on the clock’.  
    I can’t be bothered getting up. Besides, it’s entirely too childish to go to my room and sulk – at least, not immediately anyway. I’ll stay here and try to calm down before the start of what’s bound to be another awkward conversation.  
    Suddenly my phone rings. I do that thing where you reach for something and hope it will move by telekinesis, but unfortunately it doesn’t work. I end up lunging for my handbag rather ungracefully.
    It’s Abby.  
    ‘Hello. Shouldn’t you be in church?’
    ‘I just got out,’ she says brightly. Whether she’s happy about being released or is just happy in general today, I’m not sure.  
    ‘You’re not calling to redeliver the sermon, are you? I assure you everyone already imparts sermons to my family. Did you know that ‘pulling an Alastair’ is a thing now?’
    ‘Oh yes, I use the phrase all the time. But only because I know him personally.’
    ‘Ha, ha, ha.’
    She can make jokes like this because she’s been my best friend since we met at Cheltenham Ladies’ College and became inseparable, so much so that we went to the same university too. Anyone else would make it into my bad books for that comment, and in families like mine these books are then kept in a large library in the name of ‘heritage’. And revenge.
    ‘Anyway, I’m calling because I’ve unilaterally decided that we’re watching DVDs together today: The Only Way is Essex , season four. You’re home already, right?’
    ‘I am. But I’m not sure I want to celebrate my return to London with that rubbish.’
    I find the ‘reality’ TV show unbearable. Too many fake tits, fake tans and fake situations. There was a time when being rich demanded some kind of decorum. Nowadays every tart with a trust fund feels deserving of a spot on primetime television.
    But maybe I’m just annoyed because I have actual first-world problems, not contrived ones. The new butler lives here, and I have no idea what to do about it.
    Abby laughs. ‘It’s not rubbish. Even Kate watches it.’
    ‘Kate who?’
    ‘Kate Middleton, you dimwit.’
    ‘Hey, you don’t know her personally. And her first name isn’t as standalone as, say, Beyoncé’s.’
    ‘Well, who else would I be talking about? There’s no other Kate who can legitimise my television preferences.’
    ‘I don’t think that’s a thing, Abby. It’s not the Duchess of Cambridge’s job to guide you on these matters. Besides, she has other things to worry about. You know, like being a royal.’
    She can’t help but tease me. ‘Oh, because you know her so well? Even though you only met her by accident when she returned to St Andrews for a visit.’
    I’m about to answer but get completely distracted by the sight of Blair striding into the room. He’s taken off the suit jacket but looks just as smart, with the white-shirt-and-grey-waistcoat combination giving me an even better idea of how fit he is. I want to know if he has