Kind of Cruel Read Free Page B

on.’
    Is this woman a moron? ‘That’s it,’ I say. ‘Death’s the last item on the agenda. Not much tends to happen to them after that. Which would be a relief, if only they weren’t too dead to appreciate it.’ When she doesn’t laugh, I decide to take it darker. ‘Course, for some people, FFI would have the added bonus that all their family die too.’ I listen for her reaction. One small chuckle would make me feel so much more confident about her. Is she secure enough in herself and her abilities to let that one pass, to let my joke be a joke? Only a desperate therapist would pounce on such an obviously frivolous comment at this early stage.
    ‘Do you want your family to die?’
    Predictably disappointing. Disappointingly predictable.
    ‘No. That’s not what I said.’
    ‘Have you always had trouble sleeping?’
    I’m not comfortable with how quickly and smoothly she’s changed the subject. ‘No.’
    ‘When did it start?’
    ‘A year and a half ago.’ I could give her an exact date.
    ‘Do you know why it started? Why you can’t sleep?’
    ‘Stress. At work and at home.’ I put it in the broadest possible terms, hoping she won’t ask for more detail.
    ‘And if a fairy godmother were to wave her wand and remove the sources of that stress – what do you think would happen then, sleep-wise?’
    Is it a trick question? ‘I’d sleep fine,’ I say. ‘I always used to sleep well.’
    ‘That’s good. The causes of your insomnia are external rather than internal. It isn’t that you , Amber Hewerdine, can’t sleep because of something in you . You can’t sleep because your current life situation is putting you under unbearable pressure. Anyone in your predicament would be finding it difficult, right?’
    ‘I think so.’
    ‘That’s better. That’s the kind of insomnia you want.’ I can hear her beaming at me. How is that possible? ‘There’s nothing wrong with you . Your responses are absolutely normal and understandable. Can you change your life situation to eliminate the sources of stress?’
    ‘No. Look, I’m not being funny but . . . don’t you think that might have occurred to me? All those nights I’ve lain awake, dwelling on everything that’s wrong . . .’ Don’t get emotional. Think of this as a business meeting – you’re a dissatisfied customer . ‘I can’t eliminate the causes of stress from my life. They are my life. I was hoping that hypnotherapy might be able to . . .’ I can’t say what I was going to say. It would sound too ridiculous if I put it into words.
    ‘You’re hoping I can deceive your brain,’ Ginny summarises. ‘You know, and it knows, that it has reason to be anxious, but you’re hoping hypnosis might hoodwink it into believing everything’s fine.’ Now she’s mocking me for sure.
    ‘If you think that’s such a ridiculous proposition, why did you choose this line of work?’ I say curtly.
    She says something that sounds like, ‘Let’s try the Tree Shaker.’
    ‘What?’
    I must have sounded alarmed. ‘Trust me,’ Ginny says. ‘It’s just an exercise.’
    She’ll have to settle for my acquiescing without further argument. Trust is too precious a commodity to demand from a stranger.
    ‘You’ll probably want to close your eyes – it might make it easier.’
    I wouldn’t bet on it.
    ‘You might be relieved to hear that you won’t have to speak hardly at all. For most of the time, you’ll just be listening and letting memories come to mind.’
    That sounds easy enough. Though ‘hardly at all’ suggests that I’m going to have to say something at some point. What? I’d like to be able to prepare for it.
    When Ginny next speaks, I nearly burst out laughing. Her voice is slower, deeper, more trance-like, similar to the joke-hypnotist voice I had in my head: You are falling into a deep, deep sleep . That’s not quite what Ginny’s saying but it’s not too far off. ‘And so I’d like you to focus on your breathing,’ she